Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Thirteen

1. He’s still here.

2. PGE says the power will be restored by 6:15 a.m. It’s 6:08, and I am dubious. It’s 6:13, and I am still not a believer. By 6:30, we decide to turn on the generator so we can shower.

3. Now I can paint the rest of my nails.

4. She says that I don’t look like someone who had to get ready without power. I tell her that I’ve been doing this for almost six years now; we’ve got a system.

5. The warlock has sent his report.

6. But now we need an energy clearing.

7. It’s just because we’re Scorpios.

8. The audacity.

9. I tell her that it’s because we had our meeting, which was like not working, and then we rolled right into lunch, which is also not working.

10. One more day.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Twelve

1. But the vibes today. I even meditated.

2. Large blue flying beetle.

3. It’s like that feeling you get when you're waiting in line to get on the roller coaster.

4. There’s a large table of tiny children. Their mouths are open, wide, like they’re screaming, but no sound is coming out. They are hungry and you want to feed them, but your hands are empty.

5. I wanna swim deeper.

6. But there's a part of me that recognizes you.

7. It’s hard to make good decisions from a place of anger.

8. Wanting it more thanyou’re afraid of it.

9. I decide to paint one hand at a time. The room goes dark and quiet. The power is out. Of course, this now means I have only one hand painted.

10. I pick up The Copenhagen Trilogy and my book light.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Ten

1. Dusky sunrise.

2. No weighted vest, and yet I don’t feel any faster.

3. Five minutes of meditation.

4. Sitting in the dark for the first several minutes.

5. Dark, slick-backed hair. White polo and tight white pants. Black velvet loafers. A green blazer and a coordinating Goyard. He’s eating “pasta italiano” from a large glass bowl. I nickname him “Mr. Italiano”. I can smell his cologne before I even come down the stairs.

6. Let’s just rip the Band-Aid off today.

7. Afternoon walk. We make it all the way to the end of the drive. On the way back, we sample a few blackberries.

8. We’re all tired. But maybe we’re just all out of shape.

9. Standing in the parking lot talking in the parking lot, just like the old days…last month. Ha!

10. Back to the book.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Nine

1. In the dream, I’m whipping my head around in anger, like I’m biting something. I feel my head jerk and wake myself up.

2. Watching the light slip through the slats.

3. Voices floating up from the trail.

4. The zine is so long that I’m going to have to rethink the paper size in order to squeeze it all into a reasonable page length — and price.

5. I accidentally turn into the wrong driveway and see the exact type of farm table I want. Alas, that would be stealing, and this car is too small to hold it anyway.

6. A camera box made to look like an owl.

7. Well, this is a view.

8. We’re the loud table in the restaurant that you either hate or envy. Maybe both.

9. It ends up being just the four of us in the little studio. I love being in an artist’s space. I could do this every day, dirty hands, apron, and all.

10. Numbers are just facts.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Eight

1. In the dream, I keep losing track of this little kid. He is tiny and full of energy, carrying a large, shiny red circle in each hand.

2. I’m convinced I’m losing hair faster than before.

3. Morning breezes on the deck.

4. All I want is another table. Why is this so hard to find?

5. A hummingbird floating in front of my face. Maybe I should make a feeder.

6. Air drying the hammock.

7. I decide on The Copenhagen Trilogy.

8. “‘People turn strange from reading. Everything written in books is a lie.’” - The Copenhagen Trilogy

9. Fingertips on temples. Trying to process what’s happening. Where was the misunderstanding about what was supposed to happen with the chicken parm?

10. “‘I know that you sometimes have to lie in order to bring out the truth.” - The Copenhagen Trilogy

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Seven

1. TGIF.

2. Where’s the car?

3. She says she wants to chat, and I think it means what I think it means.

4. On the podcast, the doctor explains that we actually spend one-third of our lives dreaming. That we have the ability to dream on the edges of REM as well.

5. Some are more talkative than others, but the insights are critical. And special. And it makes me even more hopeful than I was before.

6. It’s still just a plate of brown food.

7. Why is it so hard to find a table?

8. Incense and quiet. Deciding which book to read next: An Alphabet for Dreamers or The Copenhagen Trilogy?

9. Contingency plans.

10. I tell that I think I really outdid myself with the creamed kale this evening.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Six

1. Somehow the morning moments have slipped away.

2. The fact that these umbrellas are still here is a symptom of a bigger problem.

3. A can of dog food.

4. It’s happening. Is it happening?

5. Today feels like soup.

6. “Supposedly in France.” “Yeah, the catacombs.” “$195?!”

7. No one likes the mandatory onsite policy, but instead of rethinking the requirement, you interpret it as people not wanting to be close to the work. I’m not sure that’s what it means.

8. I start to feel myself slip into silent agreement and then remind myself not to ignore the red flags.

9. And now, definitely not going to make her art show.

10. Wait, do we even have anything to do this weekend?

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Five

1. Slow and steady.

2. Our last appointment. She says she sent me something. Curious.

3. It will be hard, but it won’t be impossible.

4. In this instance, I think I ought to protect my own team instead of playing nice.

5. I want to ask, but I don’t think I want to know the answer.

6. Tea. Piping hot.

7. Only one month of summer left.

8. I want to ask her about Ethan Hawk, but keep the thought inside.

9. Gnocchetti Di Patate - potato gnocchi, tiger prawns, crayfish sauce, Calabrian chili

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Four

1. Stretch.

2. The tiniest little hawk feather.

3. Anniversary flowers. Nineteen years. Half of my life.

4. Morning pages and coffee on the deck. Gratitude for paper moths giving me an extra day at home this week.

5. Bonus: being able to speak candidly and openly.

6. “Did you pierce your ears?”

7. A glass of Schramsberg and a cobb salad. I can’t hear everything, but it sounds like the older woman beside us is newly widowed. She’s eating a pizza and rosé alone.

8. On her way out, she wishes us a happy anniversary. She says her husband died from cancer in May. They have been coming to Auberge for years and years, and this is where they would come for lunch every Tuesday. Thirty-five years they had together. The man of her dreams. With a broken voice, she encourages us to cherish these little moments.

9. Passenger Princess.

10. I like to ride because it gives me time to daydream. I think about everything. But mostly I think about how beautiful the landscape is and how lucky we are that we get to call this place home.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Three

1. Something has got the dogs on alert tonight. They sound like they’re right outside the windows.

2. Finally, a cool morning.

3. The comfort of routine.

4. Two packets of applesauce and a scoop of creatine with my plate of gummy vitamins. If only there had been time to make bacon, too.

5. Oh, but I remember this about the morning workouts. Never feels like enough time.

6. Claude tells me that the first sentence of my email sounds passive-aggressive.

7. Gluten-free pretzels.

8. The first things he pulls out of the back are slices of cake.

9. We do the math: 7.41 years.

10. I will finish this.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Two

1. In the last bit of the dream, butterflies.

2. Feet on the floor. Tight. Like they don’t want to flex to walk.

3. Ending in wheel pose. It’s been years, but I trusted the body to remember, and it did.

4. I will do that massage after all.

5. He says my feet are really tight. Funny.

6. Practicing presence in order to slow down time.

7. Headache. Hydration. Nap.

8. “The repeated water emphasis gives intuition, empathy and psychological perception. Taurus placements add the essential counterweight: a life path toward steadiness, self-possession, tangible value and sustainable security.”

9. Release.

10. I hope the goats have a better night tonight.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & One

1. A busy night for the shepherd’s dog.

2. Do I really need to wake up right now?

3. You have to not care.

4. Are these buttons plastic?

5. She wrote me back!

6. I order a salad and then wonder if I’m crazy. But then I remember that this lettuce probably came from a local farm, so I’ll be okay.

7. Napping in the shade.

8. Shadow play.

9. “So, the will to win is a desire to fully engage in the present moment: to give your best effort and learn from every experience, with joy, love, and gratitude.” - The Inner Game of Tennis

10. It’s not even worth it.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred

1. No need to rush.

2. I get so caught up in cleaning that I forget to call.

3. Nothing in here feels right anymore. It’s time to expand.

4. So continues my mission of asking strangers to coffee.

5. Fried eggplant. I eat the entire plate.

6. It’s cool back here in the shade. I haven’t spent much time out here this past week, though it’s really become my little outdoor haven.

7. Isn’t it ironic that I spend so much time creating a container where others feel safe to fail, meanwhile, I haven’t done the same for myself?

8. What conditions are required for me to build a container for my own self-expression?

9. The real question is, “Who’s making dinner?”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Nine

1. Time.

2. Head-to-toe alignment.

3. I don’t know what it is, but everyone wants to tell me everything.

4. We’re all feeling the same thing.

5. Outdoor meeting. Why not.

6. The difference between winning and losing might just be making the decision to play.

7. Home alone.

8. On hot days, the sun looks so different.

9. Letters from a new friend.

10. Roasted chicken thighs and the creamiest mashed potatoes.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Eight

1. I could solve this problem.

2. Denim on denim.

3. He gets into the car and says a few words we can’t understand because his mouth is full of gauze.

4. Fistbumping to house music.

5. Funny. I was just thinking about incense.

6. Jell-O and more Jell-O.

7. I sift through the birthday flowers to find the still-green and dried bits that capture my eye and find smaller jars to place them in.

8. Back to Napa for another appointment. He says that the scale at home is right. That is both a good and a bad thing.

9. Scanning my brain for what to make while standing in the middle of the produce aisle.

10. There will be a day when I won’t have to make another meal plan, right?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Seven

1. I can already tell it’s going to be a hot day.

2. The perfect early morning text.

3. The light.

4. What is it? Age.

5. When she relays the story, it’s almost like a movie. I’m sure it’s more like a nightmare for her.

6. Thank goodness someone in the group is more balanced.

7. I convince her that not eating the burger is the unfun choice, but the smartest choice she could make today.

8. Pain in the left leg. Even in my intentional rest, I can’t seem to figure it out.

9. If you’re going to be an athlete, be an athlete.

10. Oh, it would be a literal dream.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Six

1. Monday, bloody Monday.

2. Enough time for morning pages. Thinking that maybe this tradeoff is worth it.

3. A little bit of sunshine.

4. Where in the world is my water bottle?

5. So many cars in the parking lot. It will be a loud day.

6. Reminiscing about the things from our teenage years that are resurfacing as trends. No to capris, please.

7. It’s hot, but being out here is better than being in there.

8. A picture-perfect view from the top of the hill.

9. Deep diving into my chart. It says 19x Water. No wonder I am the way that I am.

10. Adjust expectations. Release attachment to the outcome.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Five

1. Bird song.

2. Trikonasana is not gonna happen on this side. I really need to love on this right hammy before the season begins.

3. Smile.

4. Where is everyone? We start uncovering the patio furniture. And then we just sit and wait.

5. Bella Union Bianco Bellini.

6. I was afraid of her driving over the mountain, but she’s actually doing very well.

7. I tell her I bought that purse with my first big-girl paycheck. She needs to hang on to it.

8. Gargantua Syrah from Oregon.

9. I tell him that during yoga today, I was thinking about when I’ll integrate yoga into our practices again and that in that moment during today’s practice, I realized that there is not a day that I don’t think about my basketball team.

10. I should probably buy some groceries for the week.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Four

1. Oh yeah, I actually have to get up.

2. Wide blue sky, wispy clouds, rolling hills, resting cows.

3. The sounds of basketball at 8:30 in the morning.

4. Finally breaking the seal of my Paper Republic journal. What is it about writers and the preciousness of a notebook?

5. My watch keeps telling me there’s still time to reach today's fitness goal, but I don’t have one.

6. The best gift I could have given myself this summer was to take the second session off. Even this little sliver of brain space is making such a difference.

7. “Daughter of power, do not halt the initiations of becoming a phenomenon.” - Vagabroad Journals

8. I saw her at least twice a week for 9 months, and now all of a sudden, nothing. I miss her.

9. White bolognese. A shaved fennel salad. Needed more green!

10. “Ciao House.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Three

1. Is it already 7? I’m just gonna lie here a little longer.

2. I can never remember when I’m supposed to use lay vs. lie.

3. At least someone understands this stage of life we’re in.

4. It will be a little cooler in Petaluma.

5. Trying to make a reel. I need to hire someone to do this. Who has time for this?

6. I do miss the sounds of the basketball court.

7. Waffle fries dipped in honey mustard sauce. A drop on the inner thigh. I find a free finger to wipe it away.

8. “Zombie” by The Cranberries.

9. We’ve been gone for 8 hours.

10. No. Not the goats.