Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Two

1. New sweater vibes.

2. No one out this early on a Sunday morning.

3. The smell of cabernet in the air. Inhale deeply.

4. I look to my left and to my right, noticing the way the light is falling across the valley floor, marveling at the silhouettes of mountains.

5. Hot air balloons dotting the horizon. Verklempt. I keep putting my hand on my heart. All of this is worth it.

6. We are early but it’s a good thing we are. The line has already started to form. Almond croissant for her, peach danish for me.

7. We both just keep saying how beautiful it is.

8. If I have to drive 45 minutes to get to the closest Best Buy, at least the drive is scenic.

9. Feather on the ground, the sound of Maya Angelou laughing, the heat of late afternoon.

10. The words aren’t coming.

11. What can I do today to make tomorrow easier?

12. My favorite part of my day? Coffee with my friend. What am I grateful for? Not having to do the grocery shopping.

13. Why is everyone still awake?

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-One

1. I feel like I should get up, but surely it’s not already time to get up.

2. 4:39. The alarm was set to “weekdays only.” Argh.

3. We eat bananas and drink water while driving through the fog. It is thick.

4. The air is cool; the are on the far end of the block. I follow him down the rows.

5. The break of day.

6. I did not plan my time well. Actually, I did. This was already on my calendar. Today’s work was a surprise addition at the last minute.

7. All of their faces.

8. We taste the barrel sample and I am excited. We are all excited.

9. She is sweet. She likes it but doesn’t want to ask for it because she thinks it costs too much. I remind her that this is her birthday gift; she can get whatever she wants. Her first real purse.

10. It really is a beautiful day. Turley Sauvignon Blanc with fish tacos for us, root beers for them.

11. He says he wishes he could just have them fly up for the holidays. We’re choosing to stay apart because of our concerns about travel. But, I agree. I can’t go much longer without seeing them in person. We have to calculate our risks but we also have to care for our hearts.

12. Golden Harvest because no one really feels like cooking. I promise myself that this is the last night of take-out.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy

1. Today is the day.

2. Knowing that it’s morning fog and not smoke and how it sets the spirit at ease.

3. We move the dining room table and all of the chairs. Makeshift yoga studio.

4. Chataranga staring out at the trees. Yeah, this is ain’t bad at all.

5. She has is rub our hands together to build energy and create a ball of light and blessings to surround ourself with throughout the day.

6. Wine delivery.

7. This is life right now.

8. We talk about our lives to now, the industry, being a calculated risk taker.

9. Fantastic Friday.

10. Sweating as I clean. Laughing to myself thinking of what he told his grandmother on the phone: “We have air conditioning but we never use it!”

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Nine

1. Glad to have the fountain back.

2. Drink one more glass of water before bed.

3. The sense of peace and ease knowing that there is a plan. I wonder if they feel it too.

4. Also I know that there is space built into my day.

5. We toss around a few ideas; I tell them all the other articles have been about artists and I could use a break from that. Yes, let me write about people and place and wine. That sounds good to me.

6. I sit with him and we finish the project in twenty minutes…after two hours of procrastination.

7. Yoga tomorrow.

8. I rest and fold the laundry. Since when did another form of work become a way of resting? I am not resting if I am still working?

9. Risotto and salmon. Forgot to make the beurre rouge. It doesn’t feel right.

10. I love this life now. - Hannah

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Eight

1. Garbage trucks at 5:15am.

2. Marco Polo catch up.

3. “Dreaming of a better something…”

4. What time are all the meetings? First one at 9.

5. Making it a Wonderful Wednesday.

6. TV on. Supposed to be doing homework. The desks can’t get here soon enough. How many more days? I still need one for myself.

7. I take the meeting outside because this is the first time in too many days that I can see blue in the sky. I shiver a little bit.

8. Systems are so important.

9. Last minute dinner: skirt steak and roasted vegetables and super tiny roasted potatoes.

10. We could literally talk for hours. I can’t wait to have her over for dinner. This is the kind of woman I want to be with and know.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Seven

1. Late.

2. I forgot that at this time of the day no one is really out. Two cars on the road.

3. Birthday morning pastries. 11 today. 11. Almost a teenager. I almost have a house with teenagers in it.

4. Oh yeah, that.

5. I take the call outside just so that I can take a break from being indoors. Slightly clearer skies.

6. Call. Another call. Another call. And more calls tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.

7. I did not make room for rest in the schedule today and now I feel it.

8. I finally read her text. There is a picture of the tag from her tea bag: “walk beautifully, talk beautifully, live beautifully.” Amen.

9. Take a moment to breathe.

10. Birthday sushi.

11. Wall hit.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Six

1. 4:29.

2. Mantra for the week: Slow it down.

3. Big pot of nettle tea before coffee.

4. It feels good to sit at a proper desk. I bring the french press in with me, fill the big mug with steaming green liquid. No honey this time; still tastes good.

5. Land. 15 years. No, sooner than that.

6. I feel emboldened. I feel less pressure from this shift in mindset. Let it support you. Just let it support you.

7. I take a proper lunch break.

8. Slow it down.

9. I shouldn’t be outside but the breeze against my skin feels so good. Feels so good.

10. A little hungry but not hungry enough to go downstairs.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Six

1. So quiet.

2. I wonder what time they went to bed.

3. I fix the waffle mix and the bacon and wait for them to wake.

4. She asks me if my parents will be okay because there is a mandatory evacuation in St. Bernard Parish. I don’t know. I call them to find out.

5. Yes, we are still on the phone.

6. That didn’t take very long.

7. I do my best to stay away from email and the phone. There will be time for that tomorrow. Enjoy right now.

8. It’s hard to not sit outside. The trees. The trees.

9. Jiminy Christmas, these ants.

10. She seems a little sad now that they are gone. Yeah. I miss them too.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Five

1. Still quiet. I wonder what time they went to bed.

2. Coffee. The sky is noticeably brighter. Not clear, but brighter.

3. It’s still early enough that we beat the crowds. Nothing else is open but the bakery. She talks me into letting them have chai lattes. It' is a birthday weekend, though - a weekend of yes!

4. Spinach and feta croissant.

5. What else?

6. How did I forget the very thing I came here for?

7. But really, the clean space does make me feel better. If only everyone else could understand.

8. Green peppercorns, not capers.

9. When was the last time a 10-year old told you that ice cream plus candy might be too much in one day?

10. It’s not, “Top of the muffin TO YOU!”

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Four

1. Scratchy throat.

2. I might have overbooked myself for the day; I’ll figure it out. “I am the source of time.”

3. I remember that I can let myself feel all of the feelings. But later, I will need to move the energy out.

4. I think this will work.

5. I’m talking too much about work but it helps to have someone else affirm me. But really, the juiciest bit is that she’s about to leave for a solo writing retreat. I just love these hours with her.

6. Even more light than yesterday. So grateful for that.

7. I’m shaking because I’m cold, and because I’m angry.

8. The drive is long but good.

9. We all cry on the zoom. I mean. I think that’s a sign that we’re all in the right place at the right time.

10. There’s a gift in this.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Three

1. Will the sky be better today?

2. I won’t take the light for granted ever again. And maybe that’s the real lesson. It was not about how to start the generator on your own, but how to appreciate all of what we take for granted.

3. Coffee, banana. Four pieces of bacon in the oven. Looking out the window to see if maybe the sky might look different today.

4. Her face and her voice and her happiness. I miss her so much.

5. I tell her that I feel like I’m being punished for being a mother first. Maybe it’s just a sign.

6. Show and tell. I am trying not to think about this being her last week here.

7. She’s literally the ideal customer, saying every single bullet point in the presentation.

8. I can’t tell if the ash is still falling or if it just keep falling off the car into my face.

9. Amaro soda. Love it? Hate it?

10. Fried chicken and champagne and a tangy potato salad dotted with flowers. Only in California.

11. I’m still sad that I didn’t get it.

12. What’s next? Dream big.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Two

1. What is it going to be like today?

2. How will I make coffee today? Nespresso!

3. Move the cords in the powerstrip to make room for the other appliances. It’s not the worst thing. There’s still coffee.

4. I sit myself down and fill out the calendar. What is happening when? Watching the days fill up but there is still a feeling of relief. I just needed to get it out of my head and onto paper.

5. “What time is it?” “7:30.”

6. I try to get them to log onto class with the tiny bit of internet they have.

7. “What time is it?” “8:26 am.” “It looks like it’s night time.

8. I needed this more than I realized that I needed it.

9. “Expand the range of possibility.”

10. “Normalize magic.”

11. Power is back.

12. This is not about me.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-One

1. Alarm. Phone still charging. Great.

2. The bathroom goes dark and everything gets quiet. At least I filled in 1 and 1/2 eyebrows before the light went out.

3. I use a flashlight to get to the car. Two doors down I see the porch lights on and hear the hum of the generator - they have a whole-house one installed. Now that we know this will be long-term, we’ll need to have this put in soon.

4. Wait. I can’t make coffee.

5. Banana, water, and Beyonce as I drive down Highway 29. It is dark. This is the first time I’m making this drive. It’s a reverse commute; should be easy.

6. A cup of Pike’s Place while I walk around the property taking pictures. The drive is worth it to be in my happy place.

7. Wayne gets me the right kind of oil. I ask him more questions about oil and generators because I have time and because it seems like something I need to know. We end up having a 15-minute conversation in the middle of the aisle talking about generators and baseball and travelling in RVs.

8. The air has gotten worse but this time with her is worth it.

9. I walk in the front door and he’s strumming his electric guitar. Buzzing strings.

10. I’m actually glad they are so bored.

11. Figured it out.

12. He tells me that he likes when I have talks with her because I am always in a better mood.

13. Gratitude. Deep gratitude for being in a position where almost 48 hours without electricity is actually manageable.

14. Coldish shower but it still feels good.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty

1. How long has the air been running?

2. Peachy morning glow.

3. There is so much to do but she said to take the day off, the whole day off.

4. Drop biscuits. Still so quiet. We’re the only ones awake.

5. He drives us all the way to Emeryville and the line is 200 deep. I tell him to keep rolling. Maybe I was deluding myself.

6. He tells me to stop thinking about tomorrow; I’m wasting my vacation day.

7. I tell him I am wilting fast but then she says something about dessert and I ask if there is ice cream and so we stay a little bit longer. 108 degrees.

8. I talk with them while I fold laundry. I am tired but not tired from the day. I tell them I’m just not ready for the week.

9. We head out to the hardware store and it’s raining dried up pine needles. The sound of them scratching against the windshield.

10. We drive up Howell Mountain to get to the hardware store. I look down on the valley below. Still worth it.

11. Everything is charging. Everyone is showered. There might not be school tomorrow. Is loss of power a reason for a day off?

12. They won’t go to sleep.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Fifty-Nine

1. It’s going to be hot.

2. Coffee. Bacon. Two eggs. I stare out of the window. This is not an ideal morning for coffee outside.

3. I tell her that I feel a little more relaxed now because she said we don’t have to move if we don’t want to. And, with that knowledge, I feel as though I can rest.

4. We unroll the carpets. One goes under the dining room table, the other goes under the sofa. Progress. A little bit of softness added.

5. We play phone tag. I wonder if it’s just a reception thing.

6. Leon Bridges as we make our way out to Sebastopol. The sky is hazy and all the colors of the landscape are muted.

7. Carnitas and a cold beer.

8. “I don’t like that guy.” "I don’t either. He was totally staring us down when we were sitting on the sofa. He’s not from here.” “No.”

9. What does it mean when I say that someone is not from here? I am not from here either. In this moment, it just means that he doesn’t appear to be displaying the brand of kindness that I’ve become accustomed to since living here. Or, he’s just cranky and hot. Aren’t we all?

10. We make homemade pasta and focaccia while he makes the sauce.

11. The creaminess of ricotta and the sharpness of the parmesan.

12. “We have a lot of work to do, Alisha,” she says.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Fifty-Eight

1. No nature noise. Windows closed.

2. Waffle with melted butter and plum jam.

3. I can’t believe this is my view when I need to go run errands. “Look!” he says. “Look at what? What?” “That! All of that!” I am thinking the same thing, just more quietly.

4. There is nothing here.

5. Laundry, laundry, laundry.

6. It’s already so very hot. We down the water to make sure we’re well-hydrated before we leave.

7. Goose & Gander. Burger with duck fat fries. 2014 Olivia Brion Pinot Noir. Trio of ice cream.

8. Schweiger Vineyards. Spring Mountain. Something about the shape of the land and how it’s holding the wines makes me feel small.

9. The wines are as beautiful as the view.

10. I have time.

Ten. One Thousand, One Hundred & Fifty-Seven

1. Taking longer for the light to return.

2. No coffee. I break out the Nespresso and half-and-half and make a cappuccino.

3. Day 5. I write that I am most proud of the fact that I’ve gotten back to this ritual.

4. Pale pink and tangerine sunrise behind the trees. I really need to call my parents. How do I get them here?

5. Their faces.

6. I tell him that it’s just that this is the first time I’ve had this sinking feeling in my stomach.

7. This means that I need to do the hard thing and the timing of everything is exactly what I need.

8. Gray.

9. New oven.

10. Probably shouldn’t look at something like this after a few glasses of wine.

11. To ice cream or not to ice cream?

Ten. One Thousand, One Hundred & Fifty-Six

1. Sore.

2. Scraping the skin on my eyebrow.

3. This renewed ritual is a blessing. If nothing else, participating in this experience has given me back this one thing.

4. This one missed my calendar.

5. I am angry for her.

6. Sap between my toes. That’s what I get for walking out here barefoot. But it’s worth it.

7. There is always so much more to learn.

8. Always behind on laundry. Still so many boxes. I don’t even know where to begin so I just put on The Office and start. And then I lay down because, really, I’m just tired.

9. Why are we all so nervous? But the kids seem to hit it off and the air is getting cooler and the pizza crust is delicious and the wine is good.

10. Still need desks.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Fifty-Five

1. No bullfrog but rustling outside of the window. It doesn’t sound small but it could be a bird. I guess. I probably don’t want to know. I think of the mountain lion sign on the trail.

2. The garbage truck is late. That’s actually a good thing.

3. More salmon and greens and butter. It’s the Piment d’ville that takes it up a notch.

4. 3 days.

5. What day is it? I realize that another reason it’s hard for me to keep track of the day is because my job is about what’s happening days in advance.

6. I’m getting annoyed but I know it’s because I just need to take a break. It’s 1:30 in the afternoon and I haven’t stopped since 6:30 am.

7. I head to the front deck for the sun and lay on my back on the bench. Then I meditate. The sound of the water reminds me of the early mornings on Squam Lake and the sound the gentle waves made when they beat against the rock.

8. We move fast.

9. I take my time. They can wait.

10. 1.5 miles and 21 flights. My legs are burning. Time to invest in a proper hiking shoe.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Fifty-Four

1. So dark. No bullfrog. Perhaps they’ve moved on.

2. Day two, trying to keep the rituals going.

3. How is it already September?

4. Leftover salmon over some wilted salad greens and some butter. Hot coffee. No one bothering me yet. Just pen and paper.

5. This is the kind of work that excites me. Yes, more of this please.

6. I shouldn’t mind the slower pace.

7. I can’t remember the last time I sat and read for pleasure. I miss that. Can I sneak away to the hammock?

8. I can’t do these lines. Will need to renegotiate the grocery budget and get back to delivery. All these people.

9. Frozen pizza is really top notch when you’re this hungry.

10. I feel the urge to run, though it’s been so long since I’ve moved in that way. Something about these long strides and the beat of the music and the incline of the hill. 22 flights during that 20-minute walk.

11. I belong here.