Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & Two

1. In the last bit of the dream, butterflies.

2. Feet on the floor. Tight. Like they don’t want to flex to walk.

3. Ending in wheel pose. It’s been years, but I trusted the body to remember, and it did.

4. I will do that massage after all.

5. He says my feet are really tight. Funny.

6. Practicing presence in order to slow down time.

7. Headache. Hydration. Nap.

8. “The repeated water emphasis gives intuition, empathy and psychological perception. Taurus placements add the essential counterweight: a life path toward steadiness, self-possession, tangible value and sustainable security.”

9. Release.

10. I hope the goats have a better night tonight.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred & One

1. A busy night for the shepherd’s dog.

2. Do I really need to wake up right now?

3. You have to not care.

4. Are these buttons plastic?

5. She wrote me back!

6. I order a salad and then wonder if I’m crazy. But then I remember that this lettuce probably came from a local farm, so I’ll be okay.

7. Napping in the shade.

8. Shadow play.

9. “So, the will to win is a desire to fully engage in the present moment: to give your best effort and learn from every experience, with joy, love, and gratitude.” - The Inner Game of Tennis

10. It’s not even worth it.

Ten.Two Thousand, Seven Hundred

1. No need to rush.

2. I get so caught up in cleaning that I forget to call.

3. Nothing in here feels right anymore. It’s time to expand.

4. So continues my mission of asking strangers to coffee.

5. Fried eggplant. I eat the entire plate.

6. It’s cool back here in the shade. I haven’t spent much time out here this past week, though it’s really become my little outdoor haven.

7. Isn’t it ironic that I spend so much time creating a container where others feel safe to fail, meanwhile, I haven’t done the same for myself?

8. What conditions are required for me to build a container for my own self-expression?

9. The real question is, “Who’s making dinner?”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Nine

1. Time.

2. Head-to-toe alignment.

3. I don’t know what it is, but everyone wants to tell me everything.

4. We’re all feeling the same thing.

5. Outdoor meeting. Why not.

6. The difference between winning and losing might just be making the decision to play.

7. Home alone.

8. On hot days, the sun looks so different.

9. Letters from a new friend.

10. Roasted chicken thighs and the creamiest mashed potatoes.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Eight

1. I could solve this problem.

2. Denim on denim.

3. He gets into the car and says a few words we can’t understand because his mouth is full of gauze.

4. Fistbumping to house music.

5. Funny. I was just thinking about incense.

6. Jell-O and more Jell-O.

7. I sift through the birthday flowers to find the still-green and dried bits that capture my eye and find smaller jars to place them in.

8. Back to Napa for another appointment. He says that the scale at home is right. That is both a good and a bad thing.

9. Scanning my brain for what to make while standing in the middle of the produce aisle.

10. There will be a day when I won’t have to make another meal plan, right?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Seven

1. I can already tell it’s going to be a hot day.

2. The perfect early morning text.

3. The light.

4. What is it? Age.

5. When she relays the story, it’s almost like a movie. I’m sure it’s more like a nightmare for her.

6. Thank goodness someone in the group is more balanced.

7. I convince her that not eating the burger is the unfun choice, but the smartest choice she could make today.

8. Pain in the left leg. Even in my intentional rest, I can’t seem to figure it out.

9. If you’re going to be an athlete, be an athlete.

10. Oh, it would be a literal dream.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Six

1. Monday, bloody Monday.

2. Enough time for morning pages. Thinking that maybe this tradeoff is worth it.

3. A little bit of sunshine.

4. Where in the world is my water bottle?

5. So many cars in the parking lot. It will be a loud day.

6. Reminiscing about the things from our teenage years that are resurfacing as trends. No to capris, please.

7. It’s hot, but being out here is better than being in there.

8. A picture-perfect view from the top of the hill.

9. Deep diving into my chart. It says 19x Water. No wonder I am the way that I am.

10. Adjust expectations. Release attachment to the outcome.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Five

1. Bird song.

2. Trikonasana is not gonna happen on this side. I really need to love on this right hammy before the season begins.

3. Smile.

4. Where is everyone? We start uncovering the patio furniture. And then we just sit and wait.

5. Bella Union Bianco Bellini.

6. I was afraid of her driving over the mountain, but she’s actually doing very well.

7. I tell her I bought that purse with my first big-girl paycheck. She needs to hang on to it.

8. Gargantua Syrah from Oregon.

9. I tell him that during yoga today, I was thinking about when I’ll integrate yoga into our practices again and that in that moment during today’s practice, I realized that there is not a day that I don’t think about my basketball team.

10. I should probably buy some groceries for the week.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Four

1. Oh yeah, I actually have to get up.

2. Wide blue sky, wispy clouds, rolling hills, resting cows.

3. The sounds of basketball at 8:30 in the morning.

4. Finally breaking the seal of my Paper Republic journal. What is it about writers and the preciousness of a notebook?

5. My watch keeps telling me there’s still time to reach today's fitness goal, but I don’t have one.

6. The best gift I could have given myself this summer was to take the second session off. Even this little sliver of brain space is making such a difference.

7. “Daughter of power, do not halt the initiations of becoming a phenomenon.” - Vagabroad Journals

8. I saw her at least twice a week for 9 months, and now all of a sudden, nothing. I miss her.

9. White bolognese. A shaved fennel salad. Needed more green!

10. “Ciao House.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Three

1. Is it already 7? I’m just gonna lie here a little longer.

2. I can never remember when I’m supposed to use lay vs. lie.

3. At least someone understands this stage of life we’re in.

4. It will be a little cooler in Petaluma.

5. Trying to make a reel. I need to hire someone to do this. Who has time for this?

6. I do miss the sounds of the basketball court.

7. Waffle fries dipped in honey mustard sauce. A drop on the inner thigh. I find a free finger to wipe it away.

8. “Zombie” by The Cranberries.

9. We’ve been gone for 8 hours.

10. No. Not the goats.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-Two

1. No sounds of birds. No sounds of the goats either.

2. Still a little bit of a headache and a little bit of nausea, but I’ve gotta get there.

3. She reminds me that I don’t have to treat them all the same, especially if they don’t really deserve it.

4. A quiet drive through the country up to Healdsburg.

5. He makes me believe that he can do it.

6. The first 7-on-7. It’s almost football season, which means it’s almost time for school to begin again.

7. A cool breeze in the shade.

8. I keep thinking of this phrase she said. “So many are coaching through their traumas.” So many also managing through their traumas.

9. Sheet pan ravioli.

10. He’s right. It’s probably not a good idea.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety-One

1. Day three.

2. The best part of Wednesdays is knowing I don’t have to leave for at least one more hour.

3. They’ve all locked themselves out of important things today—cars, a house. I won’t be next. I did meditate today afterall.

4. “1 year, 3 years, 5 years,” she says.

5. Platillo.

6. I thought we’d have the place all to ourselves.

7. Timing.

8. But the thing is, it doesn’t have to be this way.

9. A wave of nausea and a splitting headache. Was it the heat?

10. Hopefully, this won’t last.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ninety

1. Meditation and intentions.

2. I should just do it out of spite. If I could do it for them, surely I could do it for me.

3. When the kids eat all the proteins every night, there’s no meat to add to your meal in the morning.

4. I tell them that I set an intention of attracting abundance today.

5. She says she met someone who is looking for a dream hire and thought of me. I think we could be a match made in heaven.

6. So basically, you just don’t want us to talk to each other anymore. Our friendship offends you.

7. An angry walk through the vineyards.

8. The goats are awfully loud tonight.

9. Massively Transformative Purpose.

10. Can I do both? I feel like I’m the kind of person who could do both.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Nine

1. Day 1. Set an intention.

2. Gray skies sticking around.

3. I put the notebook in my bag again. One day, I’ll actually write in it.

4. He says his beans came out mushy. I tell him how I read a book called “The Happiness Advantage” over the weekend. He makes a face, and then we laugh, though he agrees with the thesis.

5. I tell him that he should just read the first two chapters of East of Eden, and he will understand.

6. A long lunch outside under the shade. Sometimes the squirrels look very large to me, almost like kittens.

7. I can’t believe they left me here all alone.

8. One of the rare times when I really don’t know what I should do.

9. Sweaty evening hike.

10. Twenty-five things you are curious about?

11. “You have to dignify the character by the end of page two.” - Vendela Vida

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Eight

1. Cold potato salad and leftover grilled shrimp. Water. Fresh air. A book.

2. Sometimes I hear the wind before I see it. Sometimes I hear it above me and never feel it on my skin.

3. I watch him put 3 chicken thighs on his plate and realize the leftovers won’t last as long as I thought.

4. The way my sense of time has expanded now that I don’t have any classes or (as much) basketball.

5. It sounds like they keep moving the goats from one side of the hill to the other.

6. “This is a true ripple effect—by trying to make ourselves happier and more successful, we actually have the ability to improve the lives of 1,000 people around us.” - The Happiness Advantage

7. Slow Sunday.

8. You can already tell that the days are beginning to shorten.

9. Breezes from bird wings.

10. Yes, more of this, please.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Seven

1. How did I forget about the alarm?

2. I’m thinking, which means I’m awake.

3. The just-right weather for a book, coffee, and a light blanket.

4. A long list of gratitudes.

5. Posture.

6. Honest conversations.

7. Not sure why I wanted to make such a big meal for just the five of us: grilled chicken thighs, two tri-tips, corn on the cob, caprese salad, potato salad, peach cobbler.

8. A last-minute chat with the ‘rents.

9. Gut checks.

10. Expectancy Theory.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Six

1. No alarm. But there are, of course, the birds.

2. Washing the shower while you’re in the shower.

3. He’s not as far along as I thought he would be, but also not surprised.

4. Chai latte with him at a table in the shade. I promise him that I miss him, but I assure him that he’s in a much better place.

5. We never have a glass of wine at lunch, but today is the right kind of day for it.

6. I tell him that I’ve been daydreaming about a day in practice where I say to the girls, “I want you to remember four numbers: 29-22 and 8 of 18,” and then we shoot free throws for two hours.

7. I thank him for giving me space in the op ed section of the paper. He tells me I’m a good writer and that they need good writing. I ask him what the paper is looking for. He asks me, “Well, what do you want to write?”

8. I tell them that my spirit feels a bit renewed, seeing all of these people who also love books and writing.

9. Did I just talk to Francis Ford Coppola?

10. Every once in a while I remember that I do live in a magical place.

11. See what happens when you decide?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Five

1. Here comes the sun.

2. Phone call from someone you were just thinking about.

3. Just do it.

4. Overscheduled.

5. A hint that maybe we will leave the office a little earlier — “if we’re not being supervised.”

6. More moths.

7. We spend the last hour reviewing Gen Z slang and what the kids are actually using these days.

8. This left turn onto 29.

9. Weeknight chicken tagine. Multiple compliments from the kids.

10. Pushing past the uncomfortable.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Four

1. Show me how good it can get.

2. This trading-morning-workout-for-journaling thing is going pretty well.

3. I know it’s been a good week when the first 40 minutes of therapy fly by.

4. She tells me that she’s glad that I had that week with her. That it seemed as though I really needed it. “I did. I needed it more than I realized I would need it.”

5. I’ll know when I know.

6. She needs a good Pro/Con list.

7. I literally bang my head against the desk. This freaking sign. I just want it to be over.

8. In another world, this is what I would have done instead.

9. How did I forget it was July 1?

10. The way the shadows dance across the table.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Three

1. Show me how good it gets.

2. What’s the difference between the me then and the me now? It’s not that simple.

3. A constantly hot cup of decaf.

4. Lunch in the shade. A walk through the vineyard. The discovery of a bramble of blackberries in the back parking lot.

5. Picking flowers from the leftover arrangements underneath the stairs. A little bit of beauty everywhere.

6. “…see what happens when you decide…”

7. Tagliatelle with butter and prosciutto.

8. A short walk that turns into a longer hike.

9. When sunset turns everything into the colors of a vintage Polaroid.

10. I told her that I put it on 450 degrees, and she says, “dog.”