Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Five

1. I think I hear the sound of raindrops on the leaves.

2. Trying to find the words.

3. He takes the last two skewers of chicken.

4. One back pack, one back-pack-purse, one tote bag, and two travel mugs of coffee. I can still open the door.

5. I can see a rectangle of blue sky through the tops of the blinds.

6. Andes mints.

7. There is an upside to being the only one in the office. I turn the lights back of and put music in my ear.

8. I’m afraid that if I leave, I will miss something exciting.

9. Can’t stop staring at it.

10. I settle the tripod and find the right settings until I locate the craters on the moon.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Four

1. Of course, I am awake.

2. He says the birds keep flying into the door. What are they looking for? What do they see?

3. What did it all mean to me?

4. I look at the clock and wonder if I can stretch time.

5. I should go outside, but there are too many things calling to me here, inside.

6. He asks us if anyone ever gets that feeling. I know that feeling.

7. But where do I want to go?

8. Souvlaki.

9. “No. You just go to bed before everyone else.”

10. Different messengers but the same message.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Three

1. Still up before the alarm and the alarm wasn’t even set.

2. It’s already so warm. Blue sky and gold light coming through the trees.

3. Finding the slowness in an already full day.

4. Woodpeckers.

5. He’s just getting older.

6. But you need to create an environment in which communication isn’t scary.

7. A gentle breeze across the back of the neck.

8. Sushi and chips and Haribo’s.

9. Yes, more of this, please.

10. Just one more day?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Two

1. Enough light to make my way back on the trail.

2. Moderate.

3. Each one is taking. so. long.

4. We must find another way to say what we’re saying.

5. Three-way calls to save your sanity.

6. Voice notes to save your sanity.

7. I stare off into the distance and see the shadows of the Mayacamas against a graying blue sky. To my left, a strip of vineyard on a hilltop I’ve never noticed before. To my right, a large swatch of tall, verdant trees.

8. 2024 Kongsgaard Albariño on ice. Ceviche, crudo, oysters, shrimp cocktail. I hold myself back from an order of fries.

9. There is this life and there is that life. Can’t I squeeze it all into one?

10. Hard to believe no one has died on these steps.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-One

1. Warm, foggy morning.

2. I can hear the sound of my footsteps through the audiobook. No turkeys, though.

3. We talk about how going straight from Saturday night into Sunday’s programming was a good thing. It gave me something else to focus on, even though I couldn’t sleep for two days.

4. Today’s objective: move slow.

5. No, I don’t have a poker face.

6. My fingers cannot type fast enough.

7. The kind of day where you question all of your life choices.

8. Sun on skin.

9. If not this, then what?

10. I think back to the days before. About the pace, the intentionality, the inspiration, the community. Where can I get more of that?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty

1. Wet and cold and I miss not walking the last few days, but I tell myself that it’s okay.

2. This jacket.

3. I find a smile.

4. Can’t we have just one more day?

5. While talking and drinking coffee and stirring granola and berries and yogurt, I remember that these are the kind of people that made me want to be a part of this world in the first place.

6. I tell him that I go to Gott’s so much that at our dinner last night, one of the employees asked me how my kids were doing.

7. The one thing I didn’t expect to do today is cry.

8. More popcorn.

9. I’m supposed to be supportive, regardless of the decision, but I’m still disappointed.

10. Double headers.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Nineteen

1. A sliver of sun slipping through the clouds. I take it as a good omen.

2. Watching rectangles of light float across the floor.

3. Somehow I got stuck at the table, but it was the right place and the right time and the right conversation.

4. Just see where it goes.

5. He assures me that surely, I just need a 4 or 5 clients and I’d be set. Am I not daring greatly enough?

6. Curiosity.

7. “I like old vines. Old vines are like old people: they have the wisdom but have lost their vigor.”

8. A Canadian delight.

9. I think it’s done its job.

10. I wish I had had one more day.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighteen

1. Big bright moon glowing.

2. The sun.

3. More broccoli and cheddar quiche.

4. A little walk in the fresh air. These are not the right kind of shoes for puddles and wet leaves.

5. The color of the sky in winter.

6. I look at the clock and think about only one thing.

7. It’s bad, but not as bad as last year.

8. Small but mighty.

9. Dare I say it?

10. “Each one was you tending a dying garden.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventeen

1. Pitter patter.

2. I start to head outside and decide that it is indeed raining too hard to walk today.

3. I can definitely feel how long it’s been since I did this workout.

4. High-rise flares.

5. But I’m glad she came.

6. Chicken noodle soup on a cold and rainy day.

7. You can see it all over his face.

8. They did it! They did it! They did it.

9. I tell him that words carry energy—even the ones not directed at a person.

10. Still doesn’t taste right.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Sixteen

1. Back to normal.

2. Fire. Hot water and lemon. Yoga.

3. A slice of a cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee.

4. Joy-full.

5. There’s no way I can finish all of these things in one day.

6. A little bit of quality time even if it means driving in the rain.

7. We spot a rainbow on the way back home. Large and bright.

8. There is no sense in getting mad.

9. Is it time to take the tree down?

10. “The rule is simple: the person who fails the most will win. If I fail more than you do, I will win. Because in order to keep failing, you’ve got to be good enough to keep playing.” - The Gap and The Gain

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Fifteen

1. Turn off the alarm.

2. 8:15 a.m. and still laying in bed. Staring at the ceiling and listing gratitudes.

3. I should quit Instagram, too.

4. In search of fudge and this week’s newspaper.

5. A big old rainbow. And then more rain.

6. What is next?

7. I think about how there are only three more years after this.

8. Waffle fries and honey mustard.

9. One last sit in front of the fire before bed.

10. “One Middletown is all you need this year.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Fifteen

1. Turn off the alarm.

2. 8:15 a.m. and still laying in bed. Staring at the ceiling and listing gratitudes.

3. I should quit Instagram, too.

4. In search of fudge and this week’s newspaper.

5. A big old rainbow. And then more rain.

6. What is next?

7. I think about how there are only three more years after this.

8. Waffle fries and honey mustard.

9. One last sit in front of the fire before bed.

10. “One Middletown is all you need this year.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Fourteen

1. Raindrops on tree tips.

2. I forgot my flashlight and try to use the very early morning light to see. No signs of life yet.

3. Future self.

4. I miss everyone.

5. Is this year I bring back red lipstick?

6. Chicken noodle in the Instapot for tonight’s dinner.

7. Less, but better. But even “less” is still a lot.

8. “I pray constantly that I’m never afraid of myself or of other people.” - Precious Okoyomon

9. The first long bus ride.

10. Tighter than I wanted it to be but there are things about it that felt good to me even if from the outside it didn’t look so great.

11. Familiar faces and hugs.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Thirteen

1. Happy New Year.

2. Feet in the fire, a small cup of coffee, the sound of rain.

3. A smaller group than last year, but a few familiar faces.

4. The sound of the water rushing over the rocks.

5. I suddenly remember that this is the year I went to Yosemite. So there was something. But I know there was also something missing.

6. Leftover pizza. Chili oil burning my lips.

7. A medicine wheel spread. In the center, the eagle.

8. I could do more, but today is a day that I can do less.

9. “You are a constellation of everyone you have met.”

10. Here comes the rain again.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twelve

1. It’s definitely still raining. I throw on my raincoat, and he throws on the poncho, and we head out into the dark.

2. Apple sauce and eggs and coffee.

3. Just twenty minutes.

4. Ranked? Ranked. Are they ready for it? Yes, I think so?

5. Hot skin by the fire.

6. Penguins in the desert?

7. You can tell he’s regretting his decision now.

8. I tell him that this net situation is life-changing.

9. Try again tomorrow.

10. “Compliance causes a shocking realization that must be registered by all women. That is, to be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves. It is a tormenting tension and it must be borne, but the choice is clear.”
    ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eleven

1. The sound of more rain.

2. Maybe one winter I’ll remember to bring the furniture in.

3. Fire. Coffee.

4. If only I would have known sooner.

5. I can make peace with it not happening.

6. Somehow the lid falls off and the whole tin of popcorn

7. 3 of 19. Yikes.

8. Still swollen. Still several shades of blue and yellow and purple.

9. UNO No Mercy.

10. “Follow your gut. Pay attention. Maybe you’re stronger than you think you are.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eleven

1. Such a simple thing that brings so much joy.

2. Visualizing.

3. First, a fire.

4. Rain, rain, go away.

5. We take up a whole

6. A reminder of how easy it is to make a judgement with 90 seconds of information.

7. Another one bites the dust.

8. We decide that a fake tree is the way to go this year. Simplify.

9. Maybe we’re not supposed to, but the side eyes + giggles are the best.

10. Key lime pie.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ten

1. A later start. A warmer morning.

2. Tidying up before my shower but still manage to leave on time.

3. Dark office, hot coffee.

4. Planning.

5. A little bit of sparkling wine and some onion rings to go with the salad.

6. Ahead or behind? Behind. But no one seems to be in a rush.

7. A little bit of laughter goes a long way.

8. Don’t read too deeply into things.

9. Is watching this good for anyone?

10. I did ask for ease.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Nine

1. Yeah, I’m still going to walk. But slowly, this time.

2. Wishing it was a fireplace kind of morning.

3. Party stuff.

4. She asks me how the week is going. “Do I have a Christmas tree yet? Nope. So that’s how it’s going.”

5. Red wine everywhere.

6. Be encouraged.

7. Fearless action.

8. But close out on the shooters, please.

9. A birthday three.

10. 70-33. Streak broken.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eight

1. Less foggy, but just as cold.

2. Door-dashing coffee to the office.

3. But do I really want to be there?

4. A text trying to give me a scouting report that I don’t need because I do my own.

5. She says that maybe we’re overdoing it with the activity. But the fear of falling out of habit is a real thing.

6. Observing and sucking on a Tootsie Roll pop.

7. Thank goodness for heated stadium chairs.

8. Chicken noodle soup in the cold.

9. 2-0. 2-1. 2-2. 3-2. Uh-oh. 3-3. Oh, thank goodness.

10. Classic.