Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Eight

1. After a day of standing and then a day of sitting, I could really use the stretch.

2. Headstand. Body memory. I keep staring at that body print of the bird on the window.

3. Sunday feels like it’s slipping away. Resisting the urge to run. Creating more boundaries around my time.

4. There is still plenty of time.

5. I am so tired I can barely stand. I fold the top part of my body onto my bed in the empty space between the folded towels and socks, and close my eyes.

6. Can I keep my eyes open long enough?

7. He calls them every week. I’m glad they usually answer.

8. We agree that we should make more garlic bread.

9. I drag out my camera and tripod to try to capture the moon. Too much light. Blurry. I wish I had it in my hand more often.

10. I can’t wait for sleep.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Seven

1. Must get up.

2. I forget that I’m still in my towel when I go downstairs to wake the girls.

3. I love these cool mornings with the fog and decaf in an open mug.

4. This is the longest set I’ve ever heard of: more than an hour long, a score of 39-37.

5. It’s not that they can’t. They’re just worried that they won’t.

6. The breeze blows and the sun is out and I say out loud, “I love living in California.”

7. Straight outta St. Helena.

8. How did it take five years to go to my first lobster boil?

9. “Sometimes you gotta let these kids hit they head.”

10. Going to be so tired tomorrow during yoga.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Six

1. The fog is too thick for me to seen the moon setting.

2. Hip clicking.

3. Five cups of decaf.

4. I see the email and realize it’s going to be another fire-drill-Friday.

5. He talks about how much food his three-year-old ate the other day, and I think to myself, just wait. Just wait.

6. Count your gratitudes.

7. She stops by to grab his jersey for the game. So very high school.

8. I had forgotten how hot the sun feels when you’re in the visitor stands. No shade in sight. Just melting. Melting.

9. Friday night lights.

10. He says that he hates this school, but we agree that the field had a really beautiful backdrop, especially as the sun sets.

11. I think this time the numbers match up. I hope. I just want some sleep.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Five

1. The fog this morning is extra thick, blocking out the morning light.

2. I hear the turkey behind me.

3. Identifying the block.

4. It’s all a choice.

5. But actually, I did miss seeing them in person.

6. I forgot my tortilla chips.

7. I read the summary, the analysis of her, and the situation. It makes me think of what else I need to do to prepare.

8. He asks me if he’s coming back. I say no. But I’ve got a good one on the line. Another really good fit.

9. No service in the gym. Probably for the better.

10. Sixty days.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Four

1. I keep forgetting that he stole my dumbbells.

2. Dark enough that I have to use my phone as a flashlight.

3. I tell them I keep wanting to tell everyone that phrase from Mean Girls, “Stop trying to make fetch happen!”

4. We’re getting to the point where it’s a little embarrassing.

5. Find joy.

6. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an ankle at that angle.

7. He can’t let go.

8. “I can’t believe I’m old enough to be called an unc.”

9. “I’m going to do everything this year. It’s my senior year.”

10. Giggles all around. But we’re missing one.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Three

1. An overcast morning. Not fog, but cloud cover. Humid.

2. Just when the light got good. I don’t want to go.

3. He texts me to tell me that he actually did rest yesterday.

4. I was not expecting anyone to be here.

5. The air conditioning is so freaking loud.

6. If we’re all confused, then we are the problem.

7. I step outside and remember why I never check the mail. Up the hill and around the corner.

8. Maybe it wasn’t the right time or the right conversation.

9. “Most people avoid hard things, which is why you beat most people just by trying.” - The Art of Impossible

10. Massively Transformative Purpose = BIG DREAM

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Two

1. Daylight.

2. It’s early, but I can already feel the day’s heat creeping in.

3. Another submission.

4. The boys are up and out of the house and on their way to practice. The girls are still asleep. He is still upstairs. A few quite moments with my journal in the sunny seat with a cup of decaf.

5. Can I do less?

6. Is it a day off if you give yourself a to-do list?

7. The Haunting of Hill House. Frightening and mesmerizing.

8. A nap-time nightmare.

9. Going through the list of colleges and looking at what should be done and when. Trying not to be overwhelmed.

10. Gringo tacos.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-One

1. A no-alarm kind of morning.

2. This light, this light, this light.

3. A solo lesson.

4. The imprint of a bird in flight against the glass.

5. Remembering that the time spent planning today makes for a more ease-full week.

6. Thank goodness for one more day.

7. I tell them that the saying in our house is, “No trip, no treat.”

8. A little preview of what to come.

9. Grilled chicken with basil and lime corn. Craving all things that taste like summer.

10. Promising myself hammock + book time tomorrow.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty

1. Sleeping in.

2. Decaf in the tiny mug. The heat of it is burning the tips of my fingers.

3. More stats.

4. Where are they?

5. Ray Ray’s for the queso, even though I told myself I would be cutting back on the dairy.

6. Why is it so hot?

7. Listening to the three of them talk a mile a minute. I think again about how fleeting the time is. I hope they sit at the counter like this two years from now. The conversations will be different, but the amount of laughter will be the same.

8. Sheet-pan ravioli.

9. C-.

10. But, I mean. Isn’t it just so much better when it’s clean?

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Eight

1. A bit of a switch.

2. Sometimes the sky just looks like it’s glowing.

3. “Sports demand embodiment.” - The Art of Impossible

4. “Your life needs to become your art…the art of impossible demands the art of life.” - The Art of Impossible

5. The light. Pen smoothly walking on paper. Thought to thought to thought.

6. She said “yes.”

7. Still angry about the orange.

8. Six pillowcases. My Carpy Gang 3/4 zip. My blanket from the team two years ago. Six towels. Four napkins. Four washcloths. A hand-towel full of sea shells. Crochet yarn. Crop-tops to throw in the trash.

9. A three-set thriller. I can already feel the hoarseness coming on, and we haven’t yet had a real football game.

10. A lot of laughter and animal fries.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Seven

1. Turkey.

2. I stand in front of the coffeepot and contemplate my choices. Do I? Don’t I? I take a tiny mug out of the cabinet. Maybe just a little bit. No. I put the mug back and walk away.

3. Am I going to be late? Can’t be late on the last day.

4. Jeebus. They all need picture retakes.

5. Linger.

6. Saying all the right things.

7. Another box from Guatemala, but only one box. Home tops and bottoms—four more to go.

8. Walking in circles around the house trying to find my water glass.

9. The spaciousness of a game-free day.

10. Shooting my shot.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Six

1. 4-something. Feels too late to go back to sleep.

2. Making the best of the little bit of light.

3. Dusty boots in dirt. Peeking beneath the canopy and sneaking a few grapes off the vine. Eating a dream.

4. How many pictures can you take of a grape cluster?

5. Well, it’s not perfect. Nothing ever is.

6. Leftover homemade Greek salad and buttered naan.

7. We all complain that there’s just never enough time to be creative. I can’t seem to find a remedy.

8. $12 dollars?!

9. She is literally one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.

10. I don’t think my answers to this questionnaire are going to give her what she wants to hear.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Five

1. No turkey wake-up call.

2. Watching the day come alive.

3. Just keep me where the light is.

4. Day two.

5. Always searching for context.

6. Space for deeper work.

7. These are some leading questions.

8. I look across the table at him. I look at his smile, listen to the tone of his voice. I’m glad that in this last year, this is the version of him that I get to behold.

9. Sweet tomatoes.

10. Just once more.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Four

1. In the nightmare, I am fighting for one of them. And then she keeps throwing things to me—at me. I threaten her with a trip to human resources if she throws one more thing.

2. A good stretch.

3. I open my eyes after savasana and hear the music again. I think I fell asleep.

4. On my way back down the hill, I see one engine, and then half a dozen more, and then two more. As each one goes by, I say a silent “thank you.”

5. Forgot how much I love Barely Buzzed Cheddar.

6. Java.

7. Day 1.

8. Why the headache?

9. He says that he had a lot of joy in his voice. And it’s true. He has been so much more joyful.

10. The coach says he really likes the way he put his film together. He gives me a fist bump.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Three

1. Wait. I have to actually get up now.

2. Stuffing the backpack cooler with all of the snacks I can think of.

3. One car full of sleepy teenage girls. Watching the sun spill its light on the vines.

4. She asks for donuts, I offer granola.

5. He asks me why we’re doing this when we’re not ready. I don’t know.

6. I keep thinking there is more that I should be doing, but enough work has been done for today. And so, really, I should just be here.

7. Expanded warnings.

8. Still have four more hours to go. But there’s really nowhere else I’d rather be.

9. This Chipotle queso is gas.

10. For a car full of girls, I sure am hearing “bruh” a lot.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Two

1. I managed to sleep.

2. I see blue sky, which means the smoke is blowing away from us, and that’s a good thing.

3. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. And we’re not ready.

4. This is not the Friday I wanted for myself.

5. So hot.

6. Making notes for what next year will look like with us at the helm. Thank goodness she has spreadsheets.

7. TGIF.

8. Are we going to break the seal?

9. His little hands in those pink gloves catch an interception.

10. I can hear him talking outside of the bathroom; he is hoarse from yelling, but he is excited.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-One

1. Don’t want to. But need to.

2. These shorter days are really messing up my morning.

3. He texts to say that he forgot his backpack.

4. There’s always a point in the day during these shoots where you just can’t think anymore, so no idea sounds good, and every idea sounds good. And there’s never enough time.

5. Still better than Monday, though.

6. The says 106 degrees.

7. She says there’s a fire somewhere in Calistoga.

8. So, so, orange. Fiery orange.

9. Football BBQ. New faces, old faces. He says something about my pink Crocs. “I already know everyone here, and there’s no one I need to impress.”

10. But when this happens, it’s hard to convince yourself that it’s safe to sleep.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty

1. Tom the turkey is back.

2. I hear the screechy sounds of the trash truck in the distance. Do I run outside in my pajamas again to make sure he took the cans out? No. Not today.

3. A much slower walk. Watching the sky slowly burn itself awake. “Death by Meeting” in the ears.

4. I promised myself no more coffee, but here I am, back at the pot again.

5. Looking forward to an evening with nothing extra.

6. Compressed melon with Thai basil, jamón, and olive oil.

7. Sitting in silence. Who is

8. “Are you glad you came?”

9. A bottle of Fleurie as the day turns to night. Tea light candles and a breeze.

10. But it’s only Wednesday.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty-Nine

1. No more time to wait for the light.

2. Feeling the difference in my muscles between yesterday’s warm walk and today’s cold walk.

3. Someone is walking toward me, but I can’t tell who they are. They wave. He has a towel around his neck, so he must be walking down to the fitness center. I should probably wear my contacts on these walks.

4. Four cups of coffee and no patience left.

5. Sometimes it’s the chats on the side that get you through.

6. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have.

7. Very much ready for that glass of rosé.

8. I had forgotten how hot this gym is this time of year.

9. I catch myself looking at the little things: body language, facial expressions, energy levels. It’s already time.

10. But I’ve been trying to work on myself for a very long time.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty-Eight

1. Can’t miss the sunrise.

2. I swing my legs over the bed, but then hear his footsteps.

3. Novelty combined with the familiar. Finding the inside smile.

4. Answered prayers.

5. The three of them in their usual places. The three of them for the last time on a first day. The three of them driving away.

6. And that’s it. The beginning of the end.

7. They are indeed uniforms. Here we go.

8. Second thoughts.

9. He says he complimented him on his shirt. He looked too cool.

10. Like old times.