Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Six

1. 4-something. Feels too late to go back to sleep.

2. Making the best of the little bit of light.

3. Dusty boots in dirt. Peeking beneath the canopy and sneaking a few grapes off the vine. Eating a dream.

4. How many pictures can you take of a grape cluster?

5. Well, it’s not perfect. Nothing ever is.

6. Leftover homemade Greek salad and buttered naan.

7. We all complain that there’s just never enough time to be creative. I can’t seem to find a remedy.

8. $12 dollars?!

9. She is literally one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.

10. I don’t think my answers to this questionnaire are going to give her what she wants to hear.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Five

1. No turkey wake-up call.

2. Watching the day come alive.

3. Just keep me where the light is.

4. Day two.

5. Always searching for context.

6. Space for deeper work.

7. These are some leading questions.

8. I look across the table at him. I look at his smile, listen to the tone of his voice. I’m glad that in this last year, this is the version of him that I get to behold.

9. Sweet tomatoes.

10. Just once more.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Four

1. In the nightmare, I am fighting for one of them. And then she keeps throwing things to me—at me. I threaten her with a trip to human resources if she throws one more thing.

2. A good stretch.

3. I open my eyes after savasana and hear the music again. I think I fell asleep.

4. On my way back down the hill, I see one engine, and then half a dozen more, and then two more. As each one goes by, I say a silent “thank you.”

5. Forgot how much I love Barely Buzzed Cheddar.

6. Java.

7. Day 1.

8. Why the headache?

9. He says that he had a lot of joy in his voice. And it’s true. He has been so much more joyful.

10. The coach says he really likes the way he put his film together. He gives me a fist bump.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Three

1. Wait. I have to actually get up now.

2. Stuffing the backpack cooler with all of the snacks I can think of.

3. One car full of sleepy teenage girls. Watching the sun spill its light on the vines.

4. She asks for donuts, I offer granola.

5. He asks me why we’re doing this when we’re not ready. I don’t know.

6. I keep thinking there is more that I should be doing, but enough work has been done for today. And so, really, I should just be here.

7. Expanded warnings.

8. Still have four more hours to go. But there’s really nowhere else I’d rather be.

9. This Chipotle queso is gas.

10. For a car full of girls, I sure am hearing “bruh” a lot.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Two

1. I managed to sleep.

2. I see blue sky, which means the smoke is blowing away from us, and that’s a good thing.

3. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. And we’re not ready.

4. This is not the Friday I wanted for myself.

5. So hot.

6. Making notes for what next year will look like with us at the helm. Thank goodness she has spreadsheets.

7. TGIF.

8. Are we going to break the seal?

9. His little hands in those pink gloves catch an interception.

10. I can hear him talking outside of the bathroom; he is hoarse from yelling, but he is excited.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-One

1. Don’t want to. But need to.

2. These shorter days are really messing up my morning.

3. He texts to say that he forgot his backpack.

4. There’s always a point in the day during these shoots where you just can’t think anymore, so no idea sounds good, and every idea sounds good. And there’s never enough time.

5. Still better than Monday, though.

6. The says 106 degrees.

7. She says there’s a fire somewhere in Calistoga.

8. So, so, orange. Fiery orange.

9. Football BBQ. New faces, old faces. He says something about my pink Crocs. “I already know everyone here, and there’s no one I need to impress.”

10. But when this happens, it’s hard to convince yourself that it’s safe to sleep.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty

1. Tom the turkey is back.

2. I hear the screechy sounds of the trash truck in the distance. Do I run outside in my pajamas again to make sure he took the cans out? No. Not today.

3. A much slower walk. Watching the sky slowly burn itself awake. “Death by Meeting” in the ears.

4. I promised myself no more coffee, but here I am, back at the pot again.

5. Looking forward to an evening with nothing extra.

6. Compressed melon with Thai basil, jamón, and olive oil.

7. Sitting in silence. Who is

8. “Are you glad you came?”

9. A bottle of Fleurie as the day turns to night. Tea light candles and a breeze.

10. But it’s only Wednesday.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty-Nine

1. No more time to wait for the light.

2. Feeling the difference in my muscles between yesterday’s warm walk and today’s cold walk.

3. Someone is walking toward me, but I can’t tell who they are. They wave. He has a towel around his neck, so he must be walking down to the fitness center. I should probably wear my contacts on these walks.

4. Four cups of coffee and no patience left.

5. Sometimes it’s the chats on the side that get you through.

6. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have.

7. Very much ready for that glass of rosé.

8. I had forgotten how hot this gym is this time of year.

9. I catch myself looking at the little things: body language, facial expressions, energy levels. It’s already time.

10. But I’ve been trying to work on myself for a very long time.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty-Eight

1. Can’t miss the sunrise.

2. I swing my legs over the bed, but then hear his footsteps.

3. Novelty combined with the familiar. Finding the inside smile.

4. Answered prayers.

5. The three of them in their usual places. The three of them for the last time on a first day. The three of them driving away.

6. And that’s it. The beginning of the end.

7. They are indeed uniforms. Here we go.

8. Second thoughts.

9. He says he complimented him on his shirt. He looked too cool.

10. Like old times.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty-Seven

1. The light falling through the windows is strong and bright.

2. The whole cup of coffee spilling in the foyer is the sign I needed to quit.

3. That grandma is taking her two-year-old grandson with her into the cigarette depot.

4. Letting go of the sense of lost time.

5. It’s the way his shy smile creeps into the corners of his mouth.

6. Fast fingers.

7. Law Roach was so the right choice.

8. Tomorrow is the day.

9. Can’t unsee it.

10. Just one more bowl.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty-Six

1. Oh, wait. Those are Eastern Standard Time.

2. What are your non-negotiables?

3. Relationship. Transformation. Challenge. Presence. Service. Education. Accomplishment. Laughter. Laughter.

4. And that’s also why you do things like these: to feel renewed and excited for what’s to come.

5. Team first.

6. I mean, it’s only thirty more minutes for a hundred more options.

7. He looks so tall and cool with the short shirt, big jeans, and the hair. He’s got the aura.

8. He’s not much further behind.

9. “So many civilians out today.”

10. Tomorrow.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty-Five

1. The soft glow of sunrise.

2. I hear a noise behind me and see my fox friend scurrying up the rocks.

3. I didn’t expect to see her here, but it seems like she wants to talk, so we talk and talk and talk. Ironically, I had just opened an envelope that had her picture in it. I should frame it.

4. Giving space.

5. Camarones. No tortillas.

6. Yep. I really miss our morning talks.

7. The first submission. It makes me giggle because I can hear her voice and imagine her saying it out loud. This is going to be so good.

8. Massican Pinot Grigio. Fried squash blossoms with ricotta. Oysters. Sourdough bread.

9. So amazing here / 'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

10. “Why did you do legs when you already went on a hike?”

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty-Three

1. Feel it all.

2. I think about their baby faces and the bits of life that matter the most.

3. I turn off the audiobook and just listen to the sounds around me. No birds yet, but I hear the sound of the electric leaf blowers cleaning up the patio and tennis courts.

4. Lift heavy.

5. This hug.

6. “Hi,” he says. “Our last one!” we say.

7. He sends a picture of the turkey walking around on the back deck. How? Why?

8. I kept thinking the meeting was at 12.

9. Here I go, ruining another idea again.

10. We gotta eat the rest of this cobbler.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five hundred & Twenty-Two

1. Dark, dark, dark.

2. But also feeling light.

3. Footsteps on the roof.

4. Another one bites the dust.

5. Should have taken that walk.

6. One of those days when you find it hard to focus on any one thing because all the other things are pulling at all the fibers.

7. Coming home to a quiet house.

8. How, exactly, amd I going to make this work?

9. It’s volleyball season which means it’s also pre-game-Clif-Family-patio season.

10. No more babies.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty-One

1. So dark.

2. Up before the turkey. Full moon hangover. The upside of the darkness is the extra quiet—and the cooler temp.

3. Not today.

4. How can I experience a little bit of the future right now?

5. This time, the box contains peaches. A cobbler must happen.

6. I walk away from the screen and head outside. Then I decide I should lay in the hammock for a brain break. I stare at the sky and just breathe.

7. Productive.

8. I ask him how he’s doing, and he lets out a big sigh and says it hasn’t been great. “Your Monday has been Monday-ing?” I say. He pauses before saying, “It is.”

9. He says he needs something in his small apartment because he sits so much more now with this new job.

10. Rewatching Great British Baking Show for about the 100th time.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Twenty

1. Quiet.

2. Tight muscles.

3. Rectangles of light on the kitchen floor. The only two were awake.

4. I just had three mugs of coffee, and I’m still yawning. That’s my cue that it’s time to quit again.

5. One more paper. One more discussion question. One more quiz. But this paper, though.

6. Just do the right thing and hope for the best.

7. I take a break to go pick up the grocery order. The sky is hazy and hot. I try to see each vine as we whish down the trail. Green shade cloth. White shade cloth. Fallow plots. Densely planted rows.

8. Two squares of chocolate with sea salt and almonds.

9. We’re only going up from here.

10. Draft done.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Nineteen

1. 2:38 a.m. Hot.

2. The way the morning light is slipping through the wooden slats. You can tell by the color that it’s going to be warm.

3. I’m not the only one who just has a heap of shoes by the door.

4. Walks like these.

5. I was hoping the door would be at the back of the room, and no one could see me sneak in late.

6. “What inspires you to write?” “What stops you from writing?” In our small group of women, the answer is, unsurprisingly, life.

7. I ask her why she thinks there aren’t more young people here. We have too many things to do.

8. Spring Baking Championship.

9. Never not thinking about something I could or should be doing instead of resting.

10. Surrender.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Eighteen

1. Finally. Friday.

2. Where’s my fox friend?

3. Always keeping me from being great.

4. Write back to center.

5. She exits the bathroom stall and bypasses the sink, following me out the door. I mean. She saw me see her not wash her hands. I watch her walk through another door. Dear God, I hope that’s not the kitchen. But a person who wears a mask washes their hands, right? Right?

6. I’m never coming back here.

7. The distance between.

8. How is he already a 32 waist?

9. I mean. I know she thumbs-upped the text, but I haven’t actually seen her with my eyes.

10. Chicken and chimichurri.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Seventeen

1. No turkey. No squawking jays.

2. I turn the corner and see my friend the fox. I stop and take its picture. We stare at each other for a few minutes. I keep on walking. It turns its head in my direction, scampers down the rocks, and begins to follow me.

3. “It means you lose by not trying to play full out, by not trying to do the impossible—whatever that is for you.” - The Art of Impossible

4. What is different? What has changed?

5. More “yeses.”

6. Or, instead, you could be grateful.

7. Still so very loud in here.

8. I look down and realize it says, “Felicia.” That’s a first.

9. She wants a jar of pickles. I need dishwasher detergent. I’m just glad she doesn’t ask to drive the truck.

10. And miles to go before sleep.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Sixteen

1. I try to ignore the turkey but he/she is so loud. Incessant. Aggressive. I am clearly supposed to get up and out of bed this morning.

2. Bag on my left elbow, coffee cup in my left hand, right hand with a phone up to my ear. I miss a step or make a misstep or something, and fall on my hands and knees on the stone. The housekeeper rushes over to ask me if I’m okay. The liquid I feel dripping down my finger is not blood, but coffee. I am amazed that I’m not more hurt than I am. Hikes + weight lifting = not breaking a bone today.

3. AG1.

4. I tell her it’s not my fault. I always have my hands full. Really, should always have a hand on the railing.

5. So many questions.

6. Already so warm.

7. I thought I’d feel it tomorrow, but I’m feeling it today.

8. I hear a voice over a loudspeaker and remember that it’s the day of the Forbes celebration. I consider walking down onto the greens and sneaking in, but talk myself out of it.

9. It’s already started.

10. Too hot to sleep.