Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Nine

1. Day 1. Set an intention.

2. Gray skies sticking around.

3. I put the notebook in my bag again. One day, I’ll actually write in it.

4. He says his beans came out mushy. I tell him how I read a book called “The Happiness Advantage” over the weekend. He makes a face, and then we laugh, though he agrees with the thesis.

5. I tell him that he should just read the first two chapters of East of Eden, and he will understand.

6. A long lunch outside under the shade. Sometimes the squirrels look very large to me, almost like kittens.

7. I can’t believe they left me here all alone.

8. One of the rare times when I really don’t know what I should do.

9. Sweaty evening hike.

10. Twenty-five things you are curious about?

11. “You have to dignify the character by the end of page two.” - Vendela Vida

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Eight

1. Cold potato salad and leftover grilled shrimp. Water. Fresh air. A book.

2. Sometimes I hear the wind before I see it. Sometimes I hear it above me and never feel it on my skin.

3. I watch him put 3 chicken thighs on his plate and realize the leftovers won’t last as long as I thought.

4. The way my sense of time has expanded now that I don’t have any classes or (as much) basketball.

5. It sounds like they keep moving the goats from one side of the hill to the other.

6. “This is a true ripple effect—by trying to make ourselves happier and more successful, we actually have the ability to improve the lives of 1,000 people around us.” - The Happiness Advantage

7. Slow Sunday.

8. You can already tell that the days are beginning to shorten.

9. Breezes from bird wings.

10. Yes, more of this, please.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Seven

1. How did I forget about the alarm?

2. I’m thinking, which means I’m awake.

3. The just-right weather for a book, coffee, and a light blanket.

4. A long list of gratitudes.

5. Posture.

6. Honest conversations.

7. Not sure why I wanted to make such a big meal for just the five of us: grilled chicken thighs, two tri-tips, corn on the cob, caprese salad, potato salad, peach cobbler.

8. A last-minute chat with the ‘rents.

9. Gut checks.

10. Expectancy Theory.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Six

1. No alarm. But there are, of course, the birds.

2. Washing the shower while you’re in the shower.

3. He’s not as far along as I thought he would be, but also not surprised.

4. Chai latte with him at a table in the shade. I promise him that I miss him, but I assure him that he’s in a much better place.

5. We never have a glass of wine at lunch, but today is the right kind of day for it.

6. I tell him that I’ve been daydreaming about a day in practice where I say to the girls, “I want you to remember four numbers: 29-22 and 8 of 18,” and then we shoot free throws for two hours.

7. I thank him for giving me space in the op ed section of the paper. He tells me I’m a good writer and that they need good writing. I ask him what the paper is looking for. He asks me, “Well, what do you want to write?”

8. I tell them that my spirit feels a bit renewed, seeing all of these people who also love books and writing.

9. Did I just talk to Francis Ford Coppola?

10. Every once in a while I remember that I do live in a magical place.

11. See what happens when you decide?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Five

1. Here comes the sun.

2. Phone call from someone you were just thinking about.

3. Just do it.

4. Overscheduled.

5. A hint that maybe we will leave the office a little earlier — “if we’re not being supervised.”

6. More moths.

7. We spend the last hour reviewing Gen Z slang and what the kids are actually using these days.

8. This left turn onto 29.

9. Weeknight chicken tagine. Multiple compliments from the kids.

10. Pushing past the uncomfortable.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Four

1. Show me how good it can get.

2. This trading-morning-workout-for-journaling thing is going pretty well.

3. I know it’s been a good week when the first 40 minutes of therapy fly by.

4. She tells me that she’s glad that I had that week with her. That it seemed as though I really needed it. “I did. I needed it more than I realized I would need it.”

5. I’ll know when I know.

6. She needs a good Pro/Con list.

7. I literally bang my head against the desk. This freaking sign. I just want it to be over.

8. In another world, this is what I would have done instead.

9. How did I forget it was July 1?

10. The way the shadows dance across the table.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Three

1. Show me how good it gets.

2. What’s the difference between the me then and the me now? It’s not that simple.

3. A constantly hot cup of decaf.

4. Lunch in the shade. A walk through the vineyard. The discovery of a bramble of blackberries in the back parking lot.

5. Picking flowers from the leftover arrangements underneath the stairs. A little bit of beauty everywhere.

6. “…see what happens when you decide…”

7. Tagliatelle with butter and prosciutto.

8. A short walk that turns into a longer hike.

9. When sunset turns everything into the colors of a vintage Polaroid.

10. I told her that I put it on 450 degrees, and she says, “dog.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-Two

1. Decaf and journaling in the morning light. The perfect pause.

2. “Bittersuite” - Billie Eilish

3. Flowers! A self-warming mug! Friends! The best Monday!

4. Tri-tip; peach, arugula, and goat cheese salad; pinquinto beans; garlic bread.

5. We’ve now been invited to play pickleball on the crush pad.

6. We’re all trying to heal, aren’t we?

7. She’s picking the orchid branches out of the arrangements and putting them into a plastic bag.

8. Cheez-its and the wint-o-green mints are back.

9. The gym feels cool until you actually start running in it.

10. She says it feels weird to hear herself be called a senior.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty-One

1. No location.

2. I could just wake up and enjoy the morning's slowness.

3. Birthday hoops — as a spectator. But the best thing about doing this is making new connections.

4. The gift of extra time.

5. Summer sun.

6. She asks if I feel any different. Yes. And no.

7. Pork ribs and coleslaw and lemonade.

8. He shows us the hairs on his arms, literally standing straight up. Infectious.

9. “You belong in this basketball community.”

10. Riding in the passenger seat, watching the hills blur in front of my eyes. Thinking about her questions. Wondering if I really feel the answers.

11. “There is no beauty without some sense of strangeness.” - Edgar Allan Poe

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighty

1. Morning light through the wooden blinds.

2. I scroll through the app to see when the next summer session begins. July 1 seems so soon.

3. Diffuser.

4. Solbar. A French press of decaf. Donuts. A mimosa. Fruit. Scrambled eggs and bacon. Depth and gratitude.

5. Home alone.

6. “If we study merely what is average, we will remain merely average.” - The Happiness Advantage

7. How do you make space for the fullest expression of your self? What conditions are required for you to be your best?

8. Embracing the quiet.

9. A walk to gelato and freshly cut flowers.

10. Ready

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy-Nine

1. TGIF.

2. Can’t believe it’s already the last day.

3. Ubuntu.

4. Sweaty in the gym. Loud in the gym. Joy in the gym.

5. I love it when it’s full of people who really love what they’re doing.

6. Hugs and handshakes from strangers, out of gratitude.

7. I tried to be inconspicuous, but we got spotted.

8. I tell him that I try to remind myself that it’s easier to push the boulder down the hill.

9. Twinkle lights.

10. I decide that I’m just going to have to accept getting the two Bs this semester.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy-Eight

1. Another rest day. It feels unnatural.

2. I spot him walking around the campus with his cup of coffee. Like a farmer admiring his work. Or, maybe, it’s like taking a peaceful stroll through the garden.

3. I tell him that I’d rather be here.

4. He asks her if people recognized her at the taqueria. I tell her that she’s famous. Like, in this little corner of the world, you’re famous.

5. Can’t focus.

6. Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.

7. In 15 minutes, I get about 20 years of a life story, and it is indeed the right kind of arc, going from bad to better and trying to give the next generation an even greater opportunity to thrive.

8. The kids try to teach her a few new slang words, which is always my favorite part of any dinner.

9. She keeps telling me that I get to choose, and the kids are like, “This is the happiest I’ve seen her be about her birthday.” They are not wrong.

10. Hard choice = doing statistics homework at 10 p.m.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy-Seven

1. Rest day.

2. That panic that rushes through the body at 5:23 a.m. when you hear the trash truck coming, and you aren’t sure that they put the cans outside.

3. Work-from-gym day.

4. Two more days until PTO.

5. She tells me that this one kid has come all the way from Fortuna. Fortuna!

6. Station chopped salad for the win.

7. The invisible load keeps getting heavier and heavier, and it feels as if there’s no season of life when it will lighten.

8. Apologizing for being late to a meeting that really didn’t need to be a meeting anyway.

9. You think it’s just basketball, but it’s more than that.

10. “Not about me.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy-Six

1. Going uphill in the weighted vest is no joke.

2. On the second loop, a large feather is in the path.

3. Twenty-six point five gallons of gas. There was literally no gas in the truck. Literally none. How did I even make it into town?

4. Half decaf and half caf. Green juice. Racing thoughts.

5. This is my favorite week of the summer. Always so good.

6. Ben & Jerry’s at the company picnic. Non-dairy ice cream with rainbow sprinkles.

7. I text him that it’s photoshoot day and that I miss him. I really do.

8. No. I can’t remember it all.

9. That’s a wrap. The best kind of work day, even though they are the hardest.

10. Will I even recall anything I read between the hours of 9 and 11 p.m?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy-Five

1. Gray, gray morning.

2. I really hope these iron gummies work.

3. Will this weighted vest change my life?

4. It’s not just them, but all the things that come along with

5. She asks where the snacks are. There aren’t any.

6. A picture in the shade of the umbrella to send to Work-Dad.

7. When someone keeps telling you that they are a mean person on the inside, you have to wonder: one, why the confession, and two, is this true, or is it some bad joke you keep wanting to tell?

8. Oh, no. I somehow ran out of the wint-o-greens and got peppermints.

9. A little twinge in the knee.

10. Almost time for shooting camp!

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy-Four

1. 3:30 a.m. Just a little bit of barking.

2. Cognitive reappraisal.

3. Their flight is landing a little bit early.

4. Where are you running to?

5. Behind us is a father, on Father’s Day, telling his young child that he's sick and tired of him, that he’s awful, that he doesn’t want to even be around him. I tell my husband that I just read about this exact situation in my emotional intelligence book… about how, because the parent can’t self-regulate, they speak in wild ways to the child, who then emulates the behavior, yet the parent doesn’t understand why the child can’t control themself. I hope, at some point, someone gives that child the right tools to break the cycle.

6. And so it begins.

7. Ants crawling around the edge of the sink. Great.

8. Green bean and cherry tomato salad.

9. Stress-eating Nutella and pretzel crisps.

10. Here we go again.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy-Three

1. Constant barking throughout the night. What do they see? Is there anything even near the sheep?

2. Still barking.

3. Did I just start snoring during savasana?

4. Virtual mom coffee time.

5. Moving from shade to sun to shade to sun.

6. Hammock. Nap.

7. Cognitive reappraisal.

8. One last dinner without them. A shared tomahawk and a bottle of Heitz Cabernet.

9. Swinging in the hammock and singing “Wildflower”.

10. “The search for new ideas involves five steps:

    Define the problem

    Assemble all the information

    Ideate many solutions

    Incubate, rest, and relax.

    Evaluate which idea is the best.” - How to be More Creative, David. D. Edwards

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy-Two

1. Reminding myself that I can give myself permission to rest.

2. A flurry of morning voice memos.

3. No. Can’t trust them.

4. A thirty-minute catch-up. We’re overdue for that lunch.

5. Happy hour snacks.

6. He says that I have a good little friend group. And, too bad. Not everyone gets to be in the circle.

7. Swinging in the hammock and staring up at the sky. I can hear the waves of wind before they crash above my head. It’s such a weird feeling to hear it and see it but not feel it.

8. How tall are these trees?

9. A list of things I want.

10. How to Be Creative.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy-One

1. The birds are right on time.

2. This level of soreness within the body is not normal. Can’t possibly be.

3. So many things I intended to complete remain undone.

4. I tell her it’s just that I’m not ready for the stress to return, yet. Everything is going to change again.

5. I put up the umbrellas, and now there’s a big pool of shade. And it’s a little thing that’s really a big thing.

6. Our sacred circle.

7. Maybe a new-moon vision-board gathering is needed.

8. It’s not what I would normally do on a Thursday night, but the conditions are right. The conditions are rarely ever right.

9. Chispa. Centenario margaritas. Al pastor tacos. Nachos. Mexico vs. South Korea.

10. I knew I liked her for a reason.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventy

1. The gift of time.

2. Small cups of decaf while journaling.

3. “I am more me when I am creating.”

4. If only we could permanently get this Wednesday back, I’d be a much happier person.

5. One who gets me.

6. House of Good.

7. I tell him that sitting in that hammock is an automatic nap.

8. Reading research and outlining lecture slides. Trying to map it all out over the next several days.

9. The way the sun sets behind these trees, and the wiggling leaves make dancing shadows.

10. So many books I want to read. So little time to read them.