Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Nine

1. Noooo. I wanted to sleep in.

2. Alerts.

3. I wake him up and tell him that there’s another fire. I start moving. Brush teeth slowly. Calm down. What do we need? What’s necessary.

4. I close the window. The smell of the smoke is getting stronger and stronger. Enter mom guilt. We are going to have to go again.

5. Wrangle everything up. Realize that the work you wanted to do today might not get done because the first priority is safety and then soothing the nervous system. Is everything in place? What else do we need?

6. I tell her that it’s not the part about evacuating that worries me. I’m more worried about how the kids will take it.

7. From advisory to warning. We stop rearranging the room. We will not start building the desks.

8. He gives me a strange look. I tell him that I have a lot of work to do and I will do it from wherever we end up.

9. I tell her that fire season is a lesson in detachment.

10. Waiting. Anxiously waiting. We decide we should just have a glass of wine, cancel the hotel reservation at 6 pm if we haven’t heard anything by then. Four minutes into our call with Dad, we get the notice.

11. Down off the mountain, the smoke cloud is more visible, more ominous. Take care little treehouse.

12. I tell him that the hard part is the uncertainty: how long will this last? When will we get to go back? What will we go back to?

13. I laugh to myself. Is this the Richardson curse? Move to new location = worst weather in history.

14. And yet I still feel gratitude.

15. But now they’re telling the whole city to be prepared to leave.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Eight

1. Still so dark.

2. We make the coffee. He tells me to relax and enjoy it. We watch the sun rise behind the trees, turning sky from pale blueberry to liquid tangerine.

3. But I do need to clean.

4. These kinds of conversations are always so good. She’s asking me questions I haven’t yet been asked before, and that makes a big difference.

5. But just look at how beautiful it is. He says that this is so much better than driving on I-88.

6. Oh yeah, I block that.

7. There’s no soup on the menu. I go with a bahn mi, scarf it down in the car. So flavorful. Way better than eating a burger.

8. Zoom happy hour with the husband’s mentor and his wife and daughter. We hang up and I start to tear up a little bit too. I am happy to be gone but I do still miss my people.

9. Dinner with Mare. At Ease pinot noir rosé while listening to the conversation and waiting for the chicken to cook. Acme Levain and some salted butter.

10. Jolie Laide Trousseau Gris, Failla in a shiner, roast chicken, potato salad with honey dijon mustard, tomatoes with a drizzle of olive oil and maldon salt. The conversation.

11. We talk and talk and talk. He goes to bed. We talk some more. Do the medicine wheel spread. Mind blown. Literally everything bit of our conversation showing up in the cards. There is work to do. But the work might simply embodying oneself.

12. One last card.

13. You know when you meet your people.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Seven

1. Waiting for the light.

2. Maybe blue and white is my new favorite color combination.

3. I am always nervous about pressing send, but I think it just means that I care a lot.

4. Ah, yes. I’m getting closer. I can see the fog in the distance. Morning Fog. I do miss this valley.

5. 32 tons, he says. 32 tons. I can’t even imagine. The zinfandel looks beautiful.

6. He says he’s going to try something new and then he raps my intro. Not really a rap, but a flow. I get a little teary-eyed.

7. This conversation is the best. Literally the best.

8. Phil Long!

9. So tired. Maybe I’m just teary-eyed from fatigue. Finally Friday.

10. I like this guy. His socks are amazing. This is the most I’ve heard my son say in a long time. I feel good about where we’re going.

11. He did it. He got the P.O. Those are some big numbers. Holy cow. I can’t even. That’s why he’s bringing out the Dom. Holy cow.

12. So tired.

13. How did I miss this email? Oh boy.

14. So grateful.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Six

1. 4:48 am.

2. Wash the t-shirt now so it’s ready in time for yoga.

3. Awake but barely.

4. I lean my notes up against the screen and wait for it all to begin. Today really will be a great day.

5. Yoga with Jayne outside on the deck, staring out at the trees. Good vibes always. Gratitude for this time.

6. I forgot to send the emails. Not that big of a deal. But that’s probably why I didn’t see any sales in yesterday’s report.

7. I thought he called me, he thought I called him. We talk to each other on FaceTime while working on our computers. I remember that actually he does know the thing I think I need to know.

8. “September is almost over,” I hear her say from somewhere in the room.

9. I almost miss my IG Live. I’ve had 4:30 in my head all week. I could have talked for hours.

10. I tell him that I’m excited but trying not to be too excited.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Five

1. Ah. Right. Garbage Day. The one day I can finally sleep in but I can’t.

2. Today is the day.

3. Knock at the door. Who could this possibly be? Desks. Finally, the boys have desks.

4. He comes down the stairs talking about a dream. At least he’s talking. This is a big improvement.

5. This is only for today. September is almost over and then I can welcome the quiet back in.

6. Dappled light.

7. I tell him that he really has to get it in one take. I am no videographer. Not yet.

8. Breonna Taylor. Disappointed but not surprised. How could one believe in a system that was never designed for them, anyway?

9. I tell her that I’m excited for tomorrow because I have a journaling workshop and then the conversation with Alice - and also yoga between all of that.

10. My eyes are so dry from looking at my phone and my computer all day. Contacts out. Watery eyes.

11. Dinner reservation for his birthday. Compline. 2012 Pierre Peters “Les Chétillons” Blanc de Blancs Brut. Cool night. He says it’s the best birthday he’s had in a long time. Even though we kind of forgot about it.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Four

1. 3:24 am. Last pick of the 2020 season.

2. Cold fingers. Cold air settling in before the warmer air returns again.

3. This feels like a day for the jacket.

4. Must have coffee before they rise. He’s already on the phone talking with people across time zones.

5. I make a list. Forgot to do my morning pages.

6. Article submitted. Now, time to start working on the next one.

7. What is today?

8. First Covid test. I am nervous. Just. I see the cotton swab and I decide that the best thing to do is close my eyes. She recommends that I breathe through my mouth.

9. I should be more tired.

10. Sometimes you just wonder if you’ve done the right thing for everyone by doing the right thing for you.

11. He will understand when he gets older, right?

12. We can do it better.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Three

1. 4:00 am. Right. Because it was set to weekdays only.

2. I’m awake now so no since fighting it.

3. Mapping out the week. It is a lot, but it is actually manageable.

4. This sweater though. I might wear it every day. I should have gotten it in black, too. Note to self: see if you can order it online.

5. Group texts. I am already missing this experience and it’s not even over yet. I just feel like I need more time.

6. I realize that I’m projecting. She’s completely capable of making her own decisions.

7. Just freaking do your math sheets.

8. The word “risk” keeps coming up in conversation. “It was a calculated risk.” “We have a high tolerance for risk.” “With great risk, there can be great reward.” “This is a calculated risk.”

9. I can barely keep my eyes open at dinner.

10. All of it is worth it.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-Two

1. New sweater vibes.

2. No one out this early on a Sunday morning.

3. The smell of cabernet in the air. Inhale deeply.

4. I look to my left and to my right, noticing the way the light is falling across the valley floor, marveling at the silhouettes of mountains.

5. Hot air balloons dotting the horizon. Verklempt. I keep putting my hand on my heart. All of this is worth it.

6. We are early but it’s a good thing we are. The line has already started to form. Almond croissant for her, peach danish for me.

7. We both just keep saying how beautiful it is.

8. If I have to drive 45 minutes to get to the closest Best Buy, at least the drive is scenic.

9. Feather on the ground, the sound of Maya Angelou laughing, the heat of late afternoon.

10. The words aren’t coming.

11. What can I do today to make tomorrow easier?

12. My favorite part of my day? Coffee with my friend. What am I grateful for? Not having to do the grocery shopping.

13. Why is everyone still awake?

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy-One

1. I feel like I should get up, but surely it’s not already time to get up.

2. 4:39. The alarm was set to “weekdays only.” Argh.

3. We eat bananas and drink water while driving through the fog. It is thick.

4. The air is cool; the are on the far end of the block. I follow him down the rows.

5. The break of day.

6. I did not plan my time well. Actually, I did. This was already on my calendar. Today’s work was a surprise addition at the last minute.

7. All of their faces.

8. We taste the barrel sample and I am excited. We are all excited.

9. She is sweet. She likes it but doesn’t want to ask for it because she thinks it costs too much. I remind her that this is her birthday gift; she can get whatever she wants. Her first real purse.

10. It really is a beautiful day. Turley Sauvignon Blanc with fish tacos for us, root beers for them.

11. He says he wishes he could just have them fly up for the holidays. We’re choosing to stay apart because of our concerns about travel. But, I agree. I can’t go much longer without seeing them in person. We have to calculate our risks but we also have to care for our hearts.

12. Golden Harvest because no one really feels like cooking. I promise myself that this is the last night of take-out.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Seventy

1. Today is the day.

2. Knowing that it’s morning fog and not smoke and how it sets the spirit at ease.

3. We move the dining room table and all of the chairs. Makeshift yoga studio.

4. Chataranga staring out at the trees. Yeah, this is ain’t bad at all.

5. She has is rub our hands together to build energy and create a ball of light and blessings to surround ourself with throughout the day.

6. Wine delivery.

7. This is life right now.

8. We talk about our lives to now, the industry, being a calculated risk taker.

9. Fantastic Friday.

10. Sweating as I clean. Laughing to myself thinking of what he told his grandmother on the phone: “We have air conditioning but we never use it!”

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Nine

1. Glad to have the fountain back.

2. Drink one more glass of water before bed.

3. The sense of peace and ease knowing that there is a plan. I wonder if they feel it too.

4. Also I know that there is space built into my day.

5. We toss around a few ideas; I tell them all the other articles have been about artists and I could use a break from that. Yes, let me write about people and place and wine. That sounds good to me.

6. I sit with him and we finish the project in twenty minutes…after two hours of procrastination.

7. Yoga tomorrow.

8. I rest and fold the laundry. Since when did another form of work become a way of resting? I am not resting if I am still working?

9. Risotto and salmon. Forgot to make the beurre rouge. It doesn’t feel right.

10. I love this life now. - Hannah

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Eight

1. Garbage trucks at 5:15am.

2. Marco Polo catch up.

3. “Dreaming of a better something…”

4. What time are all the meetings? First one at 9.

5. Making it a Wonderful Wednesday.

6. TV on. Supposed to be doing homework. The desks can’t get here soon enough. How many more days? I still need one for myself.

7. I take the meeting outside because this is the first time in too many days that I can see blue in the sky. I shiver a little bit.

8. Systems are so important.

9. Last minute dinner: skirt steak and roasted vegetables and super tiny roasted potatoes.

10. We could literally talk for hours. I can’t wait to have her over for dinner. This is the kind of woman I want to be with and know.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Seven

1. Late.

2. I forgot that at this time of the day no one is really out. Two cars on the road.

3. Birthday morning pastries. 11 today. 11. Almost a teenager. I almost have a house with teenagers in it.

4. Oh yeah, that.

5. I take the call outside just so that I can take a break from being indoors. Slightly clearer skies.

6. Call. Another call. Another call. And more calls tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.

7. I did not make room for rest in the schedule today and now I feel it.

8. I finally read her text. There is a picture of the tag from her tea bag: “walk beautifully, talk beautifully, live beautifully.” Amen.

9. Take a moment to breathe.

10. Birthday sushi.

11. Wall hit.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Six

1. 4:29.

2. Mantra for the week: Slow it down.

3. Big pot of nettle tea before coffee.

4. It feels good to sit at a proper desk. I bring the french press in with me, fill the big mug with steaming green liquid. No honey this time; still tastes good.

5. Land. 15 years. No, sooner than that.

6. I feel emboldened. I feel less pressure from this shift in mindset. Let it support you. Just let it support you.

7. I take a proper lunch break.

8. Slow it down.

9. I shouldn’t be outside but the breeze against my skin feels so good. Feels so good.

10. A little hungry but not hungry enough to go downstairs.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Six

1. So quiet.

2. I wonder what time they went to bed.

3. I fix the waffle mix and the bacon and wait for them to wake.

4. She asks me if my parents will be okay because there is a mandatory evacuation in St. Bernard Parish. I don’t know. I call them to find out.

5. Yes, we are still on the phone.

6. That didn’t take very long.

7. I do my best to stay away from email and the phone. There will be time for that tomorrow. Enjoy right now.

8. It’s hard to not sit outside. The trees. The trees.

9. Jiminy Christmas, these ants.

10. She seems a little sad now that they are gone. Yeah. I miss them too.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Five

1. Still quiet. I wonder what time they went to bed.

2. Coffee. The sky is noticeably brighter. Not clear, but brighter.

3. It’s still early enough that we beat the crowds. Nothing else is open but the bakery. She talks me into letting them have chai lattes. It' is a birthday weekend, though - a weekend of yes!

4. Spinach and feta croissant.

5. What else?

6. How did I forget the very thing I came here for?

7. But really, the clean space does make me feel better. If only everyone else could understand.

8. Green peppercorns, not capers.

9. When was the last time a 10-year old told you that ice cream plus candy might be too much in one day?

10. It’s not, “Top of the muffin TO YOU!”

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Four

1. Scratchy throat.

2. I might have overbooked myself for the day; I’ll figure it out. “I am the source of time.”

3. I remember that I can let myself feel all of the feelings. But later, I will need to move the energy out.

4. I think this will work.

5. I’m talking too much about work but it helps to have someone else affirm me. But really, the juiciest bit is that she’s about to leave for a solo writing retreat. I just love these hours with her.

6. Even more light than yesterday. So grateful for that.

7. I’m shaking because I’m cold, and because I’m angry.

8. The drive is long but good.

9. We all cry on the zoom. I mean. I think that’s a sign that we’re all in the right place at the right time.

10. There’s a gift in this.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Three

1. Will the sky be better today?

2. I won’t take the light for granted ever again. And maybe that’s the real lesson. It was not about how to start the generator on your own, but how to appreciate all of what we take for granted.

3. Coffee, banana. Four pieces of bacon in the oven. Looking out the window to see if maybe the sky might look different today.

4. Her face and her voice and her happiness. I miss her so much.

5. I tell her that I feel like I’m being punished for being a mother first. Maybe it’s just a sign.

6. Show and tell. I am trying not to think about this being her last week here.

7. She’s literally the ideal customer, saying every single bullet point in the presentation.

8. I can’t tell if the ash is still falling or if it just keep falling off the car into my face.

9. Amaro soda. Love it? Hate it?

10. Fried chicken and champagne and a tangy potato salad dotted with flowers. Only in California.

11. I’m still sad that I didn’t get it.

12. What’s next? Dream big.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-Two

1. What is it going to be like today?

2. How will I make coffee today? Nespresso!

3. Move the cords in the powerstrip to make room for the other appliances. It’s not the worst thing. There’s still coffee.

4. I sit myself down and fill out the calendar. What is happening when? Watching the days fill up but there is still a feeling of relief. I just needed to get it out of my head and onto paper.

5. “What time is it?” “7:30.”

6. I try to get them to log onto class with the tiny bit of internet they have.

7. “What time is it?” “8:26 am.” “It looks like it’s night time.

8. I needed this more than I realized that I needed it.

9. “Expand the range of possibility.”

10. “Normalize magic.”

11. Power is back.

12. This is not about me.

Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred & Sixty-One

1. Alarm. Phone still charging. Great.

2. The bathroom goes dark and everything gets quiet. At least I filled in 1 and 1/2 eyebrows before the light went out.

3. I use a flashlight to get to the car. Two doors down I see the porch lights on and hear the hum of the generator - they have a whole-house one installed. Now that we know this will be long-term, we’ll need to have this put in soon.

4. Wait. I can’t make coffee.

5. Banana, water, and Beyonce as I drive down Highway 29. It is dark. This is the first time I’m making this drive. It’s a reverse commute; should be easy.

6. A cup of Pike’s Place while I walk around the property taking pictures. The drive is worth it to be in my happy place.

7. Wayne gets me the right kind of oil. I ask him more questions about oil and generators because I have time and because it seems like something I need to know. We end up having a 15-minute conversation in the middle of the aisle talking about generators and baseball and travelling in RVs.

8. The air has gotten worse but this time with her is worth it.

9. I walk in the front door and he’s strumming his electric guitar. Buzzing strings.

10. I’m actually glad they are so bored.

11. Figured it out.

12. He tells me that he likes when I have talks with her because I am always in a better mood.

13. Gratitude. Deep gratitude for being in a position where almost 48 hours without electricity is actually manageable.

14. Coldish shower but it still feels good.