Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Fifty-Two

1. Going slow is better than not going at all.

2. It’s still so dark. How am I going to solve for this as the season changes?

3. Yes. More history teachers who teach the truth.

4. The first door is open, but the second one is locked. I know why.

5. Sometimes you just need someone to speak the truth so you know you’re not going crazy.

6. On my fourth cup of decaf, as if it’s going to do something.

7. I look out the window and see thick, dark gray clouds. It looks like thunder and rain.

8. Note to self: Stop eating the Sour Patch Kids.

9. Sometimes it’s just an energy thing.

10. I catch myself talking myself out of a dream.

11. 7:47 p.m. Golden evening light makes everything glow. I’m quite convinced that there is no other place in the States where the sunsets look like this.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Fifty-One

1. At least it’s not spitting on me this morning.

2. Beholden to the whims of mother nature now.

3. Well. If we haven’t seen him, then he must still be sleeping.

4. When Mom and Dad are away, the kids get to play.

5. Good, good news. Great news.

6. Perhaps the reason we all like LEGOs is one of the reasons why our team gets along.

7. I’ve always heard stories about people leaving their cell phones in an Uber, but this is the first time I’ve seen it happen in real life.

8. We walk through the crowds of people. This is the part of being out that I dislike the most—so many people so close to one another.

9. No. That’s not true. We are doing good work despite the challenges.

10. On the drive back home, I’m on autopilot and thinking about content for the next year and what it could look like. Then I remember that this is the benefit of a day off: space for creative thought. I need more of these.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Fifty

1. I can do it.

2. This feels like rain. Like clouds spitting in my face. I should have worn a hat.

3. For a moment, I daydream about lighting those last few logs and sitting in front of the fire with a mug of decaf.

4. We’re overdue for coffee.

5. These boxes mean more than just new uniforms.

6. She’s here!

7. We have a plan for tomorrow, even though we’d all rather be sick.

8. Creamy tortellini soup.

9. I always forget how windy these roads are and how many more times I’ll have to grip onto this door.

10. Sit quietly in the front, and you get to understand so much more.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Nine

1. I don’t really want to get out of bed, but I know I need to.

2. The sunrise is always worth it.

3. Putzing around the office in the dark. Memories of my old office and how quiet it was and how much it glowed from the natural light.

4. Gummy bears and sour patch kids.

5. The introvert’s fear of being unable to escape a group social event.

6. I correctly identify the piece as Chopin, which makes me want to put on my Spotify channel.

7. Orange sherbet for clouds.

8. His seat is leaned so far back and I’m sure that the only reason he can see above the steering wheel is because he’s over six feet tall.

9. White and red and black.

10. I pick up a pile of his clothes and think about him a little younger, a little smaller. And I think about that time I took him to get photos when he was a baby, and those cheeks and blue eyes.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Eight

1. After a day of standing and then a day of sitting, I could really use the stretch.

2. Headstand. Body memory. I keep staring at that body print of the bird on the window.

3. Sunday feels like it’s slipping away. Resisting the urge to run. Creating more boundaries around my time.

4. There is still plenty of time.

5. I am so tired I can barely stand. I fold the top part of my body onto my bed in the empty space between the folded towels and socks, and close my eyes.

6. Can I keep my eyes open long enough?

7. He calls them every week. I’m glad they usually answer.

8. We agree that we should make more garlic bread.

9. I drag out my camera and tripod to try to capture the moon. Too much light. Blurry. I wish I had it in my hand more often.

10. I can’t wait for sleep.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Seven

1. Must get up.

2. I forget that I’m still in my towel when I go downstairs to wake the girls.

3. I love these cool mornings with the fog and decaf in an open mug.

4. This is the longest set I’ve ever heard of: more than an hour long, a score of 39-37.

5. It’s not that they can’t. They’re just worried that they won’t.

6. The breeze blows and the sun is out and I say out loud, “I love living in California.”

7. Straight outta St. Helena.

8. How did it take five years to go to my first lobster boil?

9. “Sometimes you gotta let these kids hit they head.”

10. Going to be so tired tomorrow during yoga.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Six

1. The fog is too thick for me to seen the moon setting.

2. Hip clicking.

3. Five cups of decaf.

4. I see the email and realize it’s going to be another fire-drill-Friday.

5. He talks about how much food his three-year-old ate the other day, and I think to myself, just wait. Just wait.

6. Count your gratitudes.

7. She stops by to grab his jersey for the game. So very high school.

8. I had forgotten how hot the sun feels when you’re in the visitor stands. No shade in sight. Just melting. Melting.

9. Friday night lights.

10. He says that he hates this school, but we agree that the field had a really beautiful backdrop, especially as the sun sets.

11. I think this time the numbers match up. I hope. I just want some sleep.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Five

1. The fog this morning is extra thick, blocking out the morning light.

2. I hear the turkey behind me.

3. Identifying the block.

4. It’s all a choice.

5. But actually, I did miss seeing them in person.

6. I forgot my tortilla chips.

7. I read the summary, the analysis of her, and the situation. It makes me think of what else I need to do to prepare.

8. He asks me if he’s coming back. I say no. But I’ve got a good one on the line. Another really good fit.

9. No service in the gym. Probably for the better.

10. Sixty days.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Four

1. I keep forgetting that he stole my dumbbells.

2. Dark enough that I have to use my phone as a flashlight.

3. I tell them I keep wanting to tell everyone that phrase from Mean Girls, “Stop trying to make fetch happen!”

4. We’re getting to the point where it’s a little embarrassing.

5. Find joy.

6. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an ankle at that angle.

7. He can’t let go.

8. “I can’t believe I’m old enough to be called an unc.”

9. “I’m going to do everything this year. It’s my senior year.”

10. Giggles all around. But we’re missing one.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Three

1. An overcast morning. Not fog, but cloud cover. Humid.

2. Just when the light got good. I don’t want to go.

3. He texts me to tell me that he actually did rest yesterday.

4. I was not expecting anyone to be here.

5. The air conditioning is so freaking loud.

6. If we’re all confused, then we are the problem.

7. I step outside and remember why I never check the mail. Up the hill and around the corner.

8. Maybe it wasn’t the right time or the right conversation.

9. “Most people avoid hard things, which is why you beat most people just by trying.” - The Art of Impossible

10. Massively Transformative Purpose = BIG DREAM

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-Two

1. Daylight.

2. It’s early, but I can already feel the day’s heat creeping in.

3. Another submission.

4. The boys are up and out of the house and on their way to practice. The girls are still asleep. He is still upstairs. A few quite moments with my journal in the sunny seat with a cup of decaf.

5. Can I do less?

6. Is it a day off if you give yourself a to-do list?

7. The Haunting of Hill House. Frightening and mesmerizing.

8. A nap-time nightmare.

9. Going through the list of colleges and looking at what should be done and when. Trying not to be overwhelmed.

10. Gringo tacos.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty-One

1. A no-alarm kind of morning.

2. This light, this light, this light.

3. A solo lesson.

4. The imprint of a bird in flight against the glass.

5. Remembering that the time spent planning today makes for a more ease-full week.

6. Thank goodness for one more day.

7. I tell them that the saying in our house is, “No trip, no treat.”

8. A little preview of what to come.

9. Grilled chicken with basil and lime corn. Craving all things that taste like summer.

10. Promising myself hammock + book time tomorrow.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Forty

1. Sleeping in.

2. Decaf in the tiny mug. The heat of it is burning the tips of my fingers.

3. More stats.

4. Where are they?

5. Ray Ray’s for the queso, even though I told myself I would be cutting back on the dairy.

6. Why is it so hot?

7. Listening to the three of them talk a mile a minute. I think again about how fleeting the time is. I hope they sit at the counter like this two years from now. The conversations will be different, but the amount of laughter will be the same.

8. Sheet-pan ravioli.

9. C-.

10. But, I mean. Isn’t it just so much better when it’s clean?

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Nine

Getting faster and faster.

1. Popping hip sockets.

2. The person speaking in the clip says something I want to remember, but I’m not willing to wipe out on the rocks to write a note in my phone.

3. I put down the sparkling wine in order to hold something else and then forget about it. I just clink everyone else’s glass with a mug of decaf coffee.

4. The do the test in a dark room. Smart. I take several deep breaths.

5. So many plans, never enough time.

6. Laird Pinot Grigio and Mustard’s Onion Rings. And IG relationships taking shape IRL.

7. No maple walnut fudge.

8. I need to save my voice.

9. The first game of his last season of high school football.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Eight

1. A bit of a switch.

2. Sometimes the sky just looks like it’s glowing.

3. “Sports demand embodiment.” - The Art of Impossible

4. “Your life needs to become your art…the art of impossible demands the art of life.” - The Art of Impossible

5. The light. Pen smoothly walking on paper. Thought to thought to thought.

6. She said “yes.”

7. Still angry about the orange.

8. Six pillowcases. My Carpy Gang 3/4 zip. My blanket from the team two years ago. Six towels. Four napkins. Four washcloths. A hand-towel full of sea shells. Crochet yarn. Crop-tops to throw in the trash.

9. A three-set thriller. I can already feel the hoarseness coming on, and we haven’t yet had a real football game.

10. A lot of laughter and animal fries.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Seven

1. Turkey.

2. I stand in front of the coffeepot and contemplate my choices. Do I? Don’t I? I take a tiny mug out of the cabinet. Maybe just a little bit. No. I put the mug back and walk away.

3. Am I going to be late? Can’t be late on the last day.

4. Jeebus. They all need picture retakes.

5. Linger.

6. Saying all the right things.

7. Another box from Guatemala, but only one box. Home tops and bottoms—four more to go.

8. Walking in circles around the house trying to find my water glass.

9. The spaciousness of a game-free day.

10. Shooting my shot.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Six

1. 4-something. Feels too late to go back to sleep.

2. Making the best of the little bit of light.

3. Dusty boots in dirt. Peeking beneath the canopy and sneaking a few grapes off the vine. Eating a dream.

4. How many pictures can you take of a grape cluster?

5. Well, it’s not perfect. Nothing ever is.

6. Leftover homemade Greek salad and buttered naan.

7. We all complain that there’s just never enough time to be creative. I can’t seem to find a remedy.

8. $12 dollars?!

9. She is literally one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.

10. I don’t think my answers to this questionnaire are going to give her what she wants to hear.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Five

1. No turkey wake-up call.

2. Watching the day come alive.

3. Just keep me where the light is.

4. Day two.

5. Always searching for context.

6. Space for deeper work.

7. These are some leading questions.

8. I look across the table at him. I look at his smile, listen to the tone of his voice. I’m glad that in this last year, this is the version of him that I get to behold.

9. Sweet tomatoes.

10. Just once more.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Four

1. In the nightmare, I am fighting for one of them. And then she keeps throwing things to me—at me. I threaten her with a trip to human resources if she throws one more thing.

2. A good stretch.

3. I open my eyes after savasana and hear the music again. I think I fell asleep.

4. On my way back down the hill, I see one engine, and then half a dozen more, and then two more. As each one goes by, I say a silent “thank you.”

5. Forgot how much I love Barely Buzzed Cheddar.

6. Java.

7. Day 1.

8. Why the headache?

9. He says that he had a lot of joy in his voice. And it’s true. He has been so much more joyful.

10. The coach says he really likes the way he put his film together. He gives me a fist bump.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Thirty-Three

1. Wait. I have to actually get up now.

2. Stuffing the backpack cooler with all of the snacks I can think of.

3. One car full of sleepy teenage girls. Watching the sun spill its light on the vines.

4. She asks for donuts, I offer granola.

5. He asks me why we’re doing this when we’re not ready. I don’t know.

6. I keep thinking there is more that I should be doing, but enough work has been done for today. And so, really, I should just be here.

7. Expanded warnings.

8. Still have four more hours to go. But there’s really nowhere else I’d rather be.

9. This Chipotle queso is gas.

10. For a car full of girls, I sure am hearing “bruh” a lot.