Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Thirty-Two

1. Can’t find my flashlight.

2. A waxing moon. A waning moon? The moon is losing its light.

3. Holding it in.

4. “Without a strong desire you will struggle when the implementation gets difficult, but with a compelling desire, seemingly insurmountable obstacles are seen as challenges to be met. The desired end result needs to be meaningful enough to get you through the hard times and keep you on track.” - The 12 Week Year

5. These mid-day walks with them are the literal best.

6. If I just book it, it will come together.

7. The last bag of salt and vinegar chips. A handful of sour patch kids. Water.

8. She says that the woman called 9-1-1 and told them it was a car collision. Thank goodness for a good friend mama bear.

9. Nooooo. I left my air pods at work.

10. At least he’s home.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Thirty-One

1. The colors of early morning.

2. I start to count the cars in the parking lot. Something isn’t right. At least the drive home is a short one.

3. Sunlight on my face. Yes, more of this, please.

4. A little bit of email. A little bit of laundry. A lot of not getting the things I actually want to get done, done.

5. Chinese chicken salad.

6. Girls walking through the door to eat more pasta. One day, this will not happen again. One day, I will miss this.

7. This version of getting my nails done is tops.

8. Quiet car. Mountains in the distance that look like an old painting.

9. But what do we want the rest of these days to feel like?

10. Early to bed, early to rise.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Thirty

1. 3:12 a.m. Still too hot.

2. This is also the problem with going to bed too early—waking up too early.

3. Feeling the tightness.

4. Things you only see during yoga practice: spider webs, the imprint of a bird in flight against the window, insulation sprinkled on the deck from the woodpeckers’ holes, the way the sun stretches across the ceiling and the walls, and the stone on the fireplace.

5. She takes a look at the picture and chuckles. I tell her it’s for my basketball banquet. But who wouldn’t laugh at a stuffed cougar in a glass box?

6. But I still need the trunk space.

7. I remind myself that he said I don’t need notes. “Just speak from the heart.”

8. I’m already sweating.

9. I could really use a another Sunday.

10. The sound of the frogs.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Nine

1. Shadows on the moon.

2. Dust morning sky.

3. I hear the turkeys, but I can’t see them. .

4. Malaise.

5. In moments like these, a little bit of compassion and understanding can go a long way.

6. Blue sky, green hills, no people. 2012 Piper Heidsieck Vintage Brut. Shrimp ceviche. Truffle fries.

7. Cognitive dissonance of what you assume a person to be versus how they treat you.

8. I will never find the time to clean this weekend.

9. The perfect kind of weather for a late-night game. They ask where all the kids are. I never know. It’s always like this, though. Can’t manage to figure out the disconnect.

10. “Ain’t no way!”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Eight

1. Turkey calls.

2. The colors of sunrise. Reflection of trees in the water.

3. A break away from the screens to get a cup of coffee. A little moment like this that makes the day a little brighter.

4. Honeycomb Latte and an Everything Knot.

5. “It’s been a day.”

6. “Don’t dabble. Engage.”

7. Buster’s BBQ.

8. He says that if we’re trying to go to bed now, we’re uncs. They say that it’s the first time we’ve all been able to sit and have dinner together in a long time. It’s not time to step away just yet.

9. “All roads lead to yoga, bro.”

10. Maybe we’re doing okay.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Seven

1. What are the turkeys doing all the way over here?

2. At least I still get this one day a week where I can drop them off. But they don’t like my music, and I don’t like theirs.

3. Did I plan my solo getaway? No? Did I think a lot about it? Yes.

4. I tell her the story and watch her facial expressions. She’s trained not to react, but she couldn’t help it either. “Needless to say, I think I need to make some decisions.”

5. So much sun.

6. The downside of so much gear is that there is so much gear.

7. On a mission to finish this project. And look, we finally see the floor.

8. What is his baby book doing here?

9. It’s only Wednesday, but this group of tourists is running wild in the Safeway.

10. I want to be great, but I can’t stay up long enough.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Six

1. When you only have to make one side of the bed.

2. From here, I can see the thick, cottony fog stretching over the valley floor. The way the sun is filtering through the fog makes me feel like I am walking through a dream.

3. Turkeys.

4. This is what it feels like to finally see.

5. A tiny pot of decaf.

6. The best thing about the office is the snacks. The worst thing about the office is the snacks.

7. Every time I open the browser, I see a war update that shocks me even more.

8. Fallow field full of goats and sheep. Clear blue sky touches tops of mountains. Cover crop creeps high against the vines.

9. Had I known it was going to go like this, I would have just gone home.

10. Did they hear anything I said?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Five

1. I think I hear the sound of raindrops on the leaves.

2. Trying to find the words.

3. He takes the last two skewers of chicken.

4. One back pack, one back-pack-purse, one tote bag, and two travel mugs of coffee. I can still open the door.

5. I can see a rectangle of blue sky through the tops of the blinds.

6. Andes mints.

7. There is an upside to being the only one in the office. I turn the lights back of and put music in my ear.

8. I’m afraid that if I leave, I will miss something exciting.

9. Can’t stop staring at it.

10. I settle the tripod and find the right settings until I locate the craters on the moon.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Four

1. Of course, I am awake.

2. He says the birds keep flying into the door. What are they looking for? What do they see?

3. What did it all mean to me?

4. I look at the clock and wonder if I can stretch time.

5. I should go outside, but there are too many things calling to me here, inside.

6. He asks us if anyone ever gets that feeling. I know that feeling.

7. But where do I want to go?

8. Souvlaki.

9. “No. You just go to bed before everyone else.”

10. Different messengers but the same message.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Three

1. Still up before the alarm and the alarm wasn’t even set.

2. It’s already so warm. Blue sky and gold light coming through the trees.

3. Finding the slowness in an already full day.

4. Woodpeckers.

5. He’s just getting older.

6. But you need to create an environment in which communication isn’t scary.

7. A gentle breeze across the back of the neck.

8. Sushi and chips and Haribo’s.

9. Yes, more of this, please.

10. Just one more day?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-Two

1. Enough light to make my way back on the trail.

2. Moderate.

3. Each one is taking. so. long.

4. We must find another way to say what we’re saying.

5. Three-way calls to save your sanity.

6. Voice notes to save your sanity.

7. I stare off into the distance and see the shadows of the Mayacamas against a graying blue sky. To my left, a strip of vineyard on a hilltop I’ve never noticed before. To my right, a large swatch of tall, verdant trees.

8. 2024 Kongsgaard Albariño on ice. Ceviche, crudo, oysters, shrimp cocktail. I hold myself back from an order of fries.

9. There is this life and there is that life. Can’t I squeeze it all into one?

10. Hard to believe no one has died on these steps.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty-One

1. Warm, foggy morning.

2. I can hear the sound of my footsteps through the audiobook. No turkeys, though.

3. We talk about how going straight from Saturday night into Sunday’s programming was a good thing. It gave me something else to focus on, even though I couldn’t sleep for two days.

4. Today’s objective: move slow.

5. No, I don’t have a poker face.

6. My fingers cannot type fast enough.

7. The kind of day where you question all of your life choices.

8. Sun on skin.

9. If not this, then what?

10. I think back to the days before. About the pace, the intentionality, the inspiration, the community. Where can I get more of that?

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twenty

1. Wet and cold and I miss not walking the last few days, but I tell myself that it’s okay.

2. This jacket.

3. I find a smile.

4. Can’t we have just one more day?

5. While talking and drinking coffee and stirring granola and berries and yogurt, I remember that these are the kind of people that made me want to be a part of this world in the first place.

6. I tell him that I go to Gott’s so much that at our dinner last night, one of the employees asked me how my kids were doing.

7. The one thing I didn’t expect to do today is cry.

8. More popcorn.

9. I’m supposed to be supportive, regardless of the decision, but I’m still disappointed.

10. Double headers.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Nineteen

1. A sliver of sun slipping through the clouds. I take it as a good omen.

2. Watching rectangles of light float across the floor.

3. Somehow I got stuck at the table, but it was the right place and the right time and the right conversation.

4. Just see where it goes.

5. He assures me that surely, I just need a 4 or 5 clients and I’d be set. Am I not daring greatly enough?

6. Curiosity.

7. “I like old vines. Old vines are like old people: they have the wisdom but have lost their vigor.”

8. A Canadian delight.

9. I think it’s done its job.

10. I wish I had had one more day.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighteen

1. Big bright moon glowing.

2. The sun.

3. More broccoli and cheddar quiche.

4. A little walk in the fresh air. These are not the right kind of shoes for puddles and wet leaves.

5. The color of the sky in winter.

6. I look at the clock and think about only one thing.

7. It’s bad, but not as bad as last year.

8. Small but mighty.

9. Dare I say it?

10. “Each one was you tending a dying garden.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventeen

1. Pitter patter.

2. I start to head outside and decide that it is indeed raining too hard to walk today.

3. I can definitely feel how long it’s been since I did this workout.

4. High-rise flares.

5. But I’m glad she came.

6. Chicken noodle soup on a cold and rainy day.

7. You can see it all over his face.

8. They did it! They did it! They did it.

9. I tell him that words carry energy—even the ones not directed at a person.

10. Still doesn’t taste right.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Sixteen

1. Back to normal.

2. Fire. Hot water and lemon. Yoga.

3. A slice of a cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee.

4. Joy-full.

5. There’s no way I can finish all of these things in one day.

6. A little bit of quality time even if it means driving in the rain.

7. We spot a rainbow on the way back home. Large and bright.

8. There is no sense in getting mad.

9. Is it time to take the tree down?

10. “The rule is simple: the person who fails the most will win. If I fail more than you do, I will win. Because in order to keep failing, you’ve got to be good enough to keep playing.” - The Gap and The Gain

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Fifteen

1. Turn off the alarm.

2. 8:15 a.m. and still laying in bed. Staring at the ceiling and listing gratitudes.

3. I should quit Instagram, too.

4. In search of fudge and this week’s newspaper.

5. A big old rainbow. And then more rain.

6. What is next?

7. I think about how there are only three more years after this.

8. Waffle fries and honey mustard.

9. One last sit in front of the fire before bed.

10. “One Middletown is all you need this year.”

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Fourteen

1. Raindrops on tree tips.

2. I forgot my flashlight and try to use the very early morning light to see. No signs of life yet.

3. Future self.

4. I miss everyone.

5. Is this year I bring back red lipstick?

6. Chicken noodle in the Instapot for tonight’s dinner.

7. Less, but better. But even “less” is still a lot.

8. “I pray constantly that I’m never afraid of myself or of other people.” - Precious Okoyomon

9. The first long bus ride.

10. Tighter than I wanted it to be but there are things about it that felt good to me even if from the outside it didn’t look so great.

11. Familiar faces and hugs.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Thirteen

1. Happy New Year.

2. Feet in the fire, a small cup of coffee, the sound of rain.

3. A smaller group than last year, but a few familiar faces.

4. The sound of the water rushing over the rocks.

5. I suddenly remember that this is the year I went to Yosemite. So there was something. But I know there was also something missing.

6. Leftover pizza. Chili oil burning my lips.

7. A medicine wheel spread. In the center, the eagle.

8. I could do more, but today is a day that I can do less.

9. “You are a constellation of everyone you have met.”

10. Here comes the rain again.