Ten.One Thousand, One Hundred and Forty-Five
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Tossing and turning trying to return to the dream. 
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Must get to the laundromat today. I wonder if it’s possible to get up to the house? On Nextdoor, people in the town over waited in line for 2-4 hours to have 20 minutes to retrieve items from their home. Would it be worth it to see? 
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Wildflowers in an empty lot. Joy. 
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How will I find joy today? 
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They give us the charcuterie board for half the price because someone cancelled. I think I see a truffle goat cheese. Joy. 
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I check in with the HOA and they say we can run up for supplies but can’t stay long. 
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It looks like an N95 kind of day/week. 
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It looks like fog, but it isn’t. 
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The house is fine, and up on the hill, above a lot of the smoke. We get more underwear and t-shirts and the laundry detergent so we can go to the laundromat. Joy. Though I wish we could stay. 
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One scoop of salted caramel blondie in a cake cone. Joy. 
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I finally find the magazine. Joy. 
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Damn it. Even in all the smoke this is still a beautiful place and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 
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The energy in the room. 
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I wish I could go with them and learn and listen. 
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“The moral of the story is…” - Roxy 
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But when you sit socially-distant at a table with people like this…this is the kind of moment that makes you even that more excited to do what you love. 
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I tell her that I needed tonight more than anything, especially after my last few weeks. I was going to drop out but I knew being in community would be good for me. 
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It’s time for change. 
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I can’t wait to come back. More importantly, I can’t wait to see what unfolds from their adventure. 
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Not an adventure, but an exploration. They, too, are pioneers, curious seekers and believers in a better and different future.