Ten.One Thousand & Ninety-Eight

1. It’s still dark. That’s not good.

2. I promise myself to go slow.

3. Leftover salmon and greens with a dollop of butter. I wish the rest of the family was as excited about savory breakfasts as I am.

4. Mirror, mirror, mirror, label.

5. I tell her what I’m thinking is the next thing. She approves. She’s the only one who would understand.

6. I can hear it in the voice. But it’s not as though I really needed any more confirmation.

7. Two phones means accidental double-booking. Didn’t I say I needed to rest?

8. I eat 4 figs while standing in the sun. This feels a little bit like heaven.

9. I drizzle champagne vinegar and olive oil over the tomatoes and feta and realize that it’s 2:03pm and I’m just now eating lunch because even though I know that over-working is a function of capitalism and white supremacy, I haven’t decolonized myself enough just yet. Like, I overworked to compensate for making someone else feel uncomfortable.

10. I work on the edits while sitting in the bleachers. The sun is beating against the back of my neck. Two dogs are barking. This kid is not 6 feet away from me.

11. Who’s going to massage this knot out of my shoulder? I can barely sit in this position anymore without stinging pain.

12. On deadline. I remember when I used to dream of saying that. “I’m on a deadline.”

13. All of this is hard, but so much of it is exactly what I wanted.