Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Two

1. Should probably just get up.

2. Foggy and cold. Mist hitting the face. I feel fast this morning. I look down at my watch to look at the time. I am faster.

3. Too many thoughts.

4. How is it already one o’clock?

5. Let it go.

6. It’s like when you’re see someone getting in trouble and so you just keep your head down and keep walking.

7. Will it work?

8. “Does she have hands and feet?”

9. The laughter is good.

10. Charge.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & One

1. No such thing as sleeping in.

2. Headphones on, tiptoeing through the house, setting in to write some words, blanked in front of the fireplace.

3. But these are the kinds of moments that help you learn who you are.

4. Where are we in this cycle of things?

5. I think of Nicole Pratt and her red face and the two of them on the gym floor going at it. And, at least it’s not that.

6. Context is everything.

7. This slowness of time on this day.

8. It’s an inside job.

9. Be Impeccable with Your Word. Don't Take Anything Personally. Don't Make Assumptions. Always Do Your Best.

10. Trust and believe.

Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred

1. Game day.

2. Foggy and cold and this coffee tastes like nothing.

3. I debate whether or not they should be blocked.

4. I could. But then I wouldn’t be me.

5. Controllables.

6. One apple.

7. One hour later, we’re still talking about basketball. The good, the bad, and everything in between.

8. But, really, it is hard to do it alone.

9. Trust & believe.

10. So going to sleep in tomorrow.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Nine

1. Cold hands, even with the gloves on.

2. I should try it. What’s the worst that could happen?

3. Snyder’s Hope Theory.

4. More planning. Always planning. Always building. I like building.

5. “They are right there,” I tell her. “Right on the edge. I feel it and I can see it, and that’s what excites me.”

6. The last thing he says to me before we walk to our cars is, “I’m proud of you.”

7. I think about what he said while driving back home and get a little teary-eyed from the sunlight in my eyes and his words.

8. I have them sit and close their eyes and breathe.

9. Here we go.

10. When you hear the same compliment three times in a row, then you have to believe it.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Eight

1. Big, bright super moon lighting my way.

2. No game for us, but maybe that’s for the better.

3. I put them in my purse so that I wouldn’t forget them. But I forgot my purse.

4. Rutherford sunrise. Valley sunrises in general, but especially when the air is thin and everything looks crisp.

5. Some days you’re only going to get 85% of the way there, and it’s not the worst thing.

6. Thank goodness I took today off.

7. If we do what we do as best as we can do it, then no team can stop us.

8. We keep looking at each other and laughing, and yeah, she’s gonna be just fine.

9. Daydreaming about lighting a fire tomorrow morning.

10. The last scoop of vanilla with a big dollop of caramel and crushed pecans sprinkled across the top.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Seven

1. 2:37 a.m. Don’t think about the game.

2. Warm winds so early in the morning. The sound of the branches losing their leaves.

3. That’s what we need.

4. Only one cup.

5. Gratitude for the foresight to take off the rest of the week.

6. Ninety minutes to get it all done.

7. Pressure.

8. So. much. potential.

9. I keep leaving random things in random places.

10. Too many ghost stories at night.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Six

1. Eyes up toward the sky. Still looks like a starry night.

2. Outcome. Process. Creative. Negative. Explorative.

3. Game day coffee mug.

4. Not early enough.

5. I can barely eat my salad.

6. Forty-one minutes past the end time.

7. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s unhinged.”

8. I tell her that this is why I can never eat on game days.

9. He’s not wrong.

10. Joy in the gym.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Five

1. Definitely wearing pants this time.

2. Thick, thick fog and a glowing tree in the middle of the yard.

3. “How you think influences how you feel. How you feel influences how you act. How you act determines your behavior. And your behavior becomes your identity and your reality.” - Visualize

4. Winter whites.

5. I flip the lights off and enjoy the quiet time alone.

6. Sometimes, during moments like these, I think everything is going to be okay.

7. Leftover gratin potatoes and brussels sprouts.

8. Mints falling out of my pockets.

9. On this team we…

10. He’s not as excited about it as I’d like for him to be.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Five

1. He asks me if she’s here. I look at my clock and see 7:41 a.m.

2. But now, I can’t sleep any longer.

3. Santa mug + slippers + fire. There was a time when this was a daily morning routine, not something just saved for days off.

4. One large spoonful of sweet potato casserole.

5. All the space given back from the close of the semester is eaten up by tournament prep.

6. “Best Team Ever.”

7. 9-8 at halftime?!

8. We talk about the next few weeks of basketball. Five days straight for me, three days for each of them, and then repeat.

9. Did I remember it all?

10. Sunday scaries.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Three

1. This morning, only my thoughts.

2. I need to start wearing pants during these walks.

3. I know what this feeling is. It happens the same time every year.

4. I tell her that, for better or worse, I may sometimes be too cerebral.

5. Wednesdays are too short.

6. “I work alone.”

7. What’s the shortest explanation of ecological dynamics I can give right now?

8. The soup keeps me warm for only so long.

9. Ah. It finally happened. Three of them. One really nice and high in the upper corner.

10. It’s finally happening.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Two

1. A little colder than I thought it would be.

2. Dark sky and bright white stars before the color of morning.

3. But. Of course.

4. There is also the human cost

5. Holiday Baking Championship.

6. I can’t stop myself from interrupting.

7. Tomato soup and onion rings.

8. At first, I thought it was easy. Now, it’s feeling hard. This feeling feels familiar.

9. He says that I should maybe quit the coffee again and I don’t disagree. “Throwing kerosene on the fire,” he says.

10. Find the joy.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-One

1. Discipline.

2. The sound of the rain dripping onto wet rocks.

3. Luckily, no dogs this morning.

4. “You’re coaching again this year?”

5. I promise it’s because we only meet once a month or two. Really.

6. Leftover pasta for lunch. Again.

7. How do we adjust? Who’s thinking what? Did it work?

8. Step by step.

9. A cold and wet night, but her cleats look cool.

10. “If you’re interested in being your best, your inner monologue needs to support the best you want to be. In fact, when it comes to sustained performance, because doubt and disappointment are constant companions, controlling your thoughts is often the ball game.” - The Art of Impossible

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Eighty-Eight

1. I could get up now. But I don’t want to.

2. Oreos and Clorox wipes.

3. It still doesn’t feel like basketball season, even though it’s the middle of November.

4. The gift of seeing how they see themselves.

5. At the end of the day, don’t we all want to win?

6. I’m not the only one who will eat croutons as a snack.

7. “I love this team.” I don’t know who said it, but it makes me fell 1,000% sure that it means we’re doing the right things.

8. This time, there are bags for the popcorn. This makes more sense.

9. This is not my speed.

10. Oh. Yes. This is why I say nothing.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Eighty-Nine

1. Tiptoeing through the house.

2. The phone knows that at 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning I’m stopping at the Safeway first.

3. Oreo crumbs.

4. The gift in this is to be able to see how they see themselves and each other.

5. Oh, I’m going to need a break by then.

6. The to-do list grows every minute.

7. I tell them that if they’re parking on the grass behind the actual parking lot, there’s no point in even looking at the line.

8. Deciding to go watch more basketball instead of doing my homework.

9. What would Sara tell me to do?

10. One more chapter before bed.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Eighty-Seven

1. The sound of the rain.

2. Why do I always forget to pull the furniture in before the rains come.

3. Daydreaming of quiet time in a clean home with a fire going and a hot cup of something.

4. So embarrassing.

5. Feeling everything so much that you don’t feel anything at all.

6. But sometimes, perception is truth.

7. I sit and put a few forks of salad into my mouth and sit with the feeling. How long has it been? About a year and a half? That’s about right.

8. No. A one-on-one is a meeting.

9. Teriyaki sauce, yes. But also ice cream.

10. Game day.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Eighty-Six

1. Sky on fire.

2. I decide to that there is enough light to hit the trail this morning.

3. Her car is here.

4. I didn’t think this all the way through. Defrosting broccoli cheddar soup in the office microwave is a painfully way to prepare a lunch when you’re so hungry.

5. The laughs.

6. It feels so weirdly warm. Humid? Uncomfortable.

7. I know I can’t hide it on my face.

8. Adjustments to be made.

9. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes and a last-minute dinner guest.

10. I think I know what it really is.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Eighty-Five

1. Just a little bit more time.

2. Still groggy but pushing through one cup at a time.

3. Reading and writing and getting inspired again. This is why I’m doing this.

4. A breath of fresh air.

5. Leftover tomato soup with seasoned croutons sprinkled across the top.

6. Sure. We could grab a coffee, but I have no idea when.

7. I should take a few more days off.

8. Something about the start of the season feels good and right, even though all of the pieces aren’t in the right place yet. Maybe this is just what happens when you get to five years.

9. Eating my reward for finishing this short paper.

10. It’s going to be a good week.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Eighty-Three

1. The first color of light.

2. He asks me why I’m up so early. Practice today. Uniforms today. Coffeecake and juice today.

3. The peace of a quiet gym.

4. I don’t want to get too excited, but these are good signs.

5. How am I doing it? I’m a little crazy. And very tired.

6. Family lunch. I choose a seat in the sun. We split fries and salad and pizza. He says he hasn’t had a Shirley Temple in so long. She convinces her him to drive her to Napa for soccer cleats.

7. Nap.

8. Winding roads lined with trees. The leaves are changing color and for a moment you could think you’re somewhere other than California.

9. Deep wooden benches and hometown crowds. Names on the roster I that I remember, like Shasta. Little baskets of popcorn.

10. Even my hair smells like steak.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Eighty-Two

1. On Wednesdays, he sleeps in.

2. On the mend.

3. So. Cold. I break down and turn on the heat.

4. Am I supposed not to try to look well?

5. She gives me some much-needed homework. But when will I find the time?

6. The most delightful couple from Fort Lauderdale. Debbie and Clint. Genuine joy. Those kinds of people make you realize how grateful you should be to be where you are.

7. Oh. The first day of classes is today.

8. It feels as though people are offended by my unwillingness to hug or shake their hands when I’m recovering from a cold.

9. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than before. Progress.

10. Pizza delivered to the car window.

Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Eighty-One

1. Morning headache.

2. The sound of rain beating against the rooftop.

3. A deep breath.

4. One by one.

5. The hot bowl of soup only provides temporary warmth.

6. Just one more Nyquil-induced sleep.

7. Being the odd one in the group, not shaking hands or hugging because of a cold.

8. We talk about the importance of being around artists.

9. He sends a picture of her on the bench for the Varsity game.

10. “I cooked.”