Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eighteen
Big bright moon glowing.
The sun.
More broccoli and cheddar quiche.
A little walk in the fresh air. These are not the right kind of shoes for puddles and wet leaves.
The color of the sky in winter.
I look at the clock and think about only one thing.
It’s bad, but not as bad as last year.
Small but mighty.
Dare I say it?
“Each one was you tending a dying garden.”
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seventeen
Pitter patter.
I start to head outside and decide that it is indeed raining too hard to walk today.
I can definitely feel how long it’s been since I did this workout.
High-rise flares.
But I’m glad she came.
Chicken noodle soup on a cold and rainy day.
You can see it all over his face.
They did it! They did it! They did it.
I tell him that words carry energy—even the ones not directed at a person.
Still doesn’t taste right.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Sixteen
Back to normal.
Fire. Hot water and lemon. Yoga.
A slice of a cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee.
Joy-full.
There’s no way I can finish all of these things in one day.
A little bit of quality time even if it means driving in the rain.
We spot a rainbow on the way back home. Large and bright.
There is no sense in getting mad.
Is it time to take the tree down?
“The rule is simple: the person who fails the most will win. If I fail more than you do, I will win. Because in order to keep failing, you’ve got to be good enough to keep playing.” - The Gap and The Gain
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Fifteen
Turn off the alarm.
8:15 a.m. and still laying in bed. Staring at the ceiling and listing gratitudes.
I should quit Instagram, too.
In search of fudge and this week’s newspaper.
A big old rainbow. And then more rain.
What is next?
I think about how there are only three more years after this.
Waffle fries and honey mustard.
One last sit in front of the fire before bed.
“One Middletown is all you need this year.”
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Fourteen
Raindrops on tree tips.
I forgot my flashlight and try to use the very early morning light to see. No signs of life yet.
Future self.
I miss everyone.
Is this year I bring back red lipstick?
Chicken noodle in the Instapot for tonight’s dinner.
Less, but better. But even “less” is still a lot.
“I pray constantly that I’m never afraid of myself or of other people.” - Precious Okoyomon
The first long bus ride.
Tighter than I wanted it to be but there are things about it that felt good to me even if from the outside it didn’t look so great.
Familiar faces and hugs.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Thirteen
Happy New Year.
Feet in the fire, a small cup of coffee, the sound of rain.
A smaller group than last year, but a few familiar faces.
The sound of the water rushing over the rocks.
I suddenly remember that this is the year I went to Yosemite. So there was something. But I know there was also something missing.
Leftover pizza. Chili oil burning my lips.
A medicine wheel spread. In the center, the eagle.
I could do more, but today is a day that I can do less.
“You are a constellation of everyone you have met.”
Here comes the rain again.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Twelve
It’s definitely still raining. I throw on my raincoat, and he throws on the poncho, and we head out into the dark.
Apple sauce and eggs and coffee.
Just twenty minutes.
Ranked? Ranked. Are they ready for it? Yes, I think so?
Hot skin by the fire.
Penguins in the desert?
You can tell he’s regretting his decision now.
I tell him that this net situation is life-changing.
Try again tomorrow.
“Compliance causes a shocking realization that must be registered by all women. That is, to be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves. It is a tormenting tension and it must be borne, but the choice is clear.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eleven
The sound of more rain.
Maybe one winter I’ll remember to bring the furniture in.
Fire. Coffee.
If only I would have known sooner.
I can make peace with it not happening.
Somehow the lid falls off and the whole tin of popcorn
3 of 19. Yikes.
Still swollen. Still several shades of blue and yellow and purple.
UNO No Mercy.
“Follow your gut. Pay attention. Maybe you’re stronger than you think you are.”
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eleven
Such a simple thing that brings so much joy.
Visualizing.
First, a fire.
Rain, rain, go away.
We take up a whole
A reminder of how easy it is to make a judgement with 90 seconds of information.
Another one bites the dust.
We decide that a fake tree is the way to go this year. Simplify.
Maybe we’re not supposed to, but the side eyes + giggles are the best.
Key lime pie.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Ten
A later start. A warmer morning.
Tidying up before my shower but still manage to leave on time.
Dark office, hot coffee.
Planning.
A little bit of sparkling wine and some onion rings to go with the salad.
Ahead or behind? Behind. But no one seems to be in a rush.
A little bit of laughter goes a long way.
Don’t read too deeply into things.
Is watching this good for anyone?
I did ask for ease.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Nine
Yeah, I’m still going to walk. But slowly, this time.
Wishing it was a fireplace kind of morning.
Party stuff.
She asks me how the week is going. “Do I have a Christmas tree yet? Nope. So that’s how it’s going.”
Red wine everywhere.
Be encouraged.
Fearless action.
But close out on the shooters, please.
A birthday three.
70-33. Streak broken.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Eight
Less foggy, but just as cold.
Door-dashing coffee to the office.
But do I really want to be there?
A text trying to give me a scouting report that I don’t need because I do my own.
She says that maybe we’re overdoing it with the activity. But the fear of falling out of habit is a real thing.
Observing and sucking on a Tootsie Roll pop.
Thank goodness for heated stadium chairs.
Chicken noodle soup in the cold.
2-0. 2-1. 2-2. 3-2. Uh-oh. 3-3. Oh, thank goodness.
Classic.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Seven
I thought I had turned the alarm off.
The quite and the fire. Waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.
It’s a good day when the Tillamook ice cream is on sale.
The fact that you don’t want to do it means that you probably really need to do it.
I never seem to feel the earthquakes.
Executive decision to just sleep instead.
I’m going to have to consider doing something different.
“Ummm. When are we going to get our Christmas tree?”
Any vacation where I don’t have to do do anything is a better choice for me.
Marionberry pie.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Five
Another wet morning. Fog so thick I can barely see.
I forget to reverse my route.
So many cars in the parking lot, but least that means there’s going to be a lot of laughter.
Where is the sun?
Morning glory muffin plus my homemade soup and garlic bread, and now I want a nap.
“He loves it when we talk about birth.”
Did I check the mailbox?
Life has been life-ing her.
Fearless action.
Almost, almost. But we’ll get there.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Three
8 a.m. start time.
Slower today than yesterday, but still faster over all.
Morning mist wetting my skin.
The audacity.
This dressing is hitting, but it’s probably because I’m just so hungry that anything and everything tastes amazing.
Pre-game chai.
Get the misses out of the way now.
“Little victories” he says.
Maybe this is what they needed.
How is it already almost time for Christmas?
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & Two
Should probably just get up.
Foggy and cold. Mist hitting the face. I feel fast this morning. I look down at my watch to look at the time. I am faster.
Too many thoughts.
How is it already one o’clock?
Let it go.
It’s like when you’re see someone getting in trouble and so you just keep your head down and keep walking.
Will it work?
“Does she have hands and feet?”
The laughter is good.
Charge.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred & One
No such thing as sleeping in.
Headphones on, tiptoeing through the house, setting in to write some words, blanked in front of the fireplace.
But these are the kinds of moments that help you learn who you are.
Where are we in this cycle of things?
I think of Nicole Pratt and her red face and the two of them on the gym floor going at it. And, at least it’s not that.
Context is everything.
This slowness of time on this day.
It’s an inside job.
Be Impeccable with Your Word. Don't Take Anything Personally. Don't Make Assumptions. Always Do Your Best.
Trust and believe.
Ten.Two Thousand, Six Hundred
Game day.
Foggy and cold and this coffee tastes like nothing.
I debate whether or not they should be blocked.
I could. But then I wouldn’t be me.
Controllables.
One apple.
One hour later, we’re still talking about basketball. The good, the bad, and everything in between.
But, really, it is hard to do it alone.
Trust & believe.
So going to sleep in tomorrow.
Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Nine
Cold hands, even with the gloves on.
I should try it. What’s the worst that could happen?
Snyder’s Hope Theory.
More planning. Always planning. Always building. I like building.
“They are right there,” I tell her. “Right on the edge. I feel it and I can see it, and that’s what excites me.”
The last thing he says to me before we walk to our cars is, “I’m proud of you.”
I think about what he said while driving back home and get a little teary-eyed from the sunlight in my eyes and his words.
I have them sit and close their eyes and breathe.
Here we go.
When you hear the same compliment three times in a row, then you have to believe it.
Ten.Two Thousand, Five Hundred & Ninety-Eight
Big, bright super moon lighting my way.
No game for us, but maybe that’s for the better.
I put them in my purse so that I wouldn’t forget them. But I forgot my purse.
Rutherford sunrise. Valley sunrises in general, but especially when the air is thin and everything looks crisp.
Some days you’re only going to get 85% of the way there, and it’s not the worst thing.
Thank goodness I took today off.
If we do what we do as best as we can do it, then no team can stop us.
We keep looking at each other and laughing, and yeah, she’s gonna be just fine.
Daydreaming about lighting a fire tomorrow morning.
The last scoop of vanilla with a big dollop of caramel and crushed pecans sprinkled across the top.